I love technology. I have always been an early adopter of anything that looks like it can make my life easier. Essentially, if something can correct my spelling with only 80 percent accuracy yet save me one minute per day, I’ll take it. But technology has its downfalls. I have come to the solemn realization that, while it has made my life immeasurably simpler, it has also greatly contributed to me becoming an ever greater and more impatient fool. Here are 10 technological “advancements” that have inadvertently created new problems in my life. And probably yours, too.
An uber-reliance on GPS has rendered my already inadequate sense of direction fully redundant. In Germany on a business trip, I had to call my girlfriend in Canada and ask her to look up my current location on Google Maps and direct me back to my hotel. The total erosion of a sense of direction cost me $45 that night. Let me tell you, trying to pronounce Hohensollernstrasse after a few pops was no easy task.
I can no longer watch live TV. My attention span has been so greatly abbreviated that I lose focus during commercial breaks. If I can’t record it, I won’t watch it. A side effect is that live sports have become progressively more aggravating as you are forced to observe the commercial breaks without the luxury of actually watching them. Watching LeBron pick his teeth during a TV timeout? Not so great.
3. E-book readers
In the past, I only needed light to read. Now, I need ample battery life. And spilling a cup of coffee could destroy 500 books instead of one.
Back in the day, if the power cut, being without television was the worst resultant impact. Now, if the power cuts, I am at a total loss. I can’t make a phone call; I can’t set my fantasy rosters; I can’t listen to music; I can’t check to see what the weather is like outside. Truly crippling.
5. Online shopping
When a power outage forced me to actually go to my local Best Buy, I discovered that I can no longer tolerate being watched as I try to buy something. In fact, I am not sure if I like the smell of electronic products anymore. Not being able to read 20 reviews about the product in front of me is also very unsettling.
6. Automated payment systems
If I can’t pay for my gas at the pump, I will find another gas station. Standing in line and interacting with actual humans to fill up? No thanks!
Thanks to technology, I actually think I can date this girl. Which is factually incorrect.
7. One-cup coffee systems
Waiting more than 30 seconds for a cup of coffee is not civilized. I have no fond memories of scheduling my old coffee maker to begin brewing 30 minutes before my alarm went off every morning. Visiting friends who brew pots of coffee makes me wonder how much time they have to waste.
8. Satellite radio
As a Canadian, I love being able to get ESPN radio in my car. But being in Canada, it snows a lot. And satellite systems do not function well when the sky is full of hate. Being forced to listen to local radio has become steadily more difficult over the years.
I can pick up a Cowboys cheerleader working the sideline of the Super Bowl via text. Not so much in person.