I’ll be running the Chicago Marathon Friday. I have been training to run a 3:15 marathon but it looks to be a hot day. The 3:15 would qualify me for Boston and would be 12 minutes better than last years marathon but slower than I ran a half marathon earlier this summer when I wasn’t in shape. For $100 I will put your website on my shirt and expose you to over 1 million people this weekend. With the Cubs playing they expect crowds to be WAY over a million watching the race. Let me know. Now on to the comedy

10. Breakfast..McDonalds Lunch….McDonalds Dinner…….McDonalds

9. While waiting in the start corral you are wondering if wearing a brand new pair of shoes is a good idea.

8. Training program: 1 mile a day, 2 mile long run on the second Tuesday of next week.

7. You realize the night before that a marathon is 26.2 miles NOT 2.62

6. Your training book is “You can finish a Marathon” by Richard Simmons

5. At every aid station you take a gatoraide, a water, and a nap

4. You start to taper your training 6 months ahead of the race

3. The strategy that you will be using for the race is to keep up with the Kenyans for 5 miles, bag the time, and take it easy from there.

2. At mile 10 you realize the pain in your chest is the sad clown face of blood on your shirt from rubbing your nipples bare.

1. Flat Red Bull before the race: Good. Red Bull and Vodka before the race: Bad