10. You wake up and noticed the trading symbol on your stock has changed to POOR
9. You go to Wal-Mart and see the CEO of the company working a second job as the “Self Checkout” monitor
8. You listen to the earnings conference call and the big plan for saving money this quarter is “hiring a bunch of illegal aliens”
7. In order to improve the image of the company they decide to put an “i” at the beginning of every thing they release. Introducing the iskidsteer.
6. Cramer and Herbstreet say they love the company
5. Your company announces that to bolster profits they will now be accepting wagers on the NCAA tournament.
4. You ask for some technical chart reading help from Trader Mike and he tells you that unfortunately you stock is in the “down a flight of stairs” pattern
3. You wake up to the announcement that your stock was bought by Google….for $2.31
2. Company schedules giant press party for new celebrity spokespeople, Carrot Top and Ann Coulter
1. Fluctuations in the price of wool greatly affect the profits and losses of the company.
For once I actually wrote some original content. So NO, I didn’t steal this from someone.