10. Tease her by going into the kitchen and clicking the plates and silverware together to make her think you’re putting away the dishes.

9. Shave right before you go to bed in order to make sure there are little spots of blood on the pillow every morning.

8. Before you go out, put on tons of deodorant and then put on a black shirt that is a little too small.

7. Assign the ringtone “Baby’s got Back” to her number

6. Keep your hat in the freezer and tell her you keep it there “Just in case you have lice”

5. Rent “The History of Wisconsin Football” from Netflix even though you don’t live in Wisconsin nor did either of you graduate from there

4. Practice your submission holds from the UFC on her

3. Tell your daughter “You will always be my daughter but she may not always be my wife”

2. Keep a picture of her sister in your wallet

1. Every time she asks “What do you want for dinner?” respond with “Whatever you’re making”

By