Bill Murray bachelor party

1. Obama announces troop withdrawal from Afghanistan
The President promised to end America’s military presence in Afghanistan within two years, concluding the longest war in American history. “We have to recognize that Afghanistan will not be a perfect place, and it is not America’s responsibility to make it one,” Obama said, reminding us why having rational people as heads of state is important. (Lookin’ at you, Dubya.) [Reuters]

2. Bill Murray crashes bachelor party, doles out wisdom
Guys at a Charleston, South Carolina, steakhouse got a delightful surprise when the coolest guy in Hollywood dropped in on their stag party with some excellent advice. Murray as surprise guest is, like, a thousand times better than a stripper. [Made Man!]

3. In wake of mass shooting, #YesAllWomen takes over Twitter
The less said about tElliot Rodger and his misogyny-fueled Isla Vista shooting spree, the better; but women across the Internet changed the conversation this week with their own stories of being victimized by men.
[New Yorker]

RELATED: Could I Have Triggered Elliot Rodger?

4. Maya Angelou passes away at 86
The celebrated writer, activist, singer and all-around badass died Wednesday at her home in North Carolina. Still, she rises. [Washington Post]

5. Watching porn might shrink your brain
Watch out! A recent German study has shown a potential link between excessive porn-watching and decreased size and activity in the reward and motivation centers in your head. (Not that head.) [New York Post]

6. Rangers headed to Stanley Cup Finals
After trouncing the Montreal Canadiens Thursday night, New York’s NHL team will play in the finals for the first time in 20 years. Better keep those playoff beards well-groomed, boys. [NESN]

7. National Spelling Bee ends in tie
Fourteen-year-old Sriram Hathwar and 13-year-old Ansun Sunjoe are the first co-champions of the Scripps National Spelling Bee since 1962. Their winning words? “Sdrucciola” and “augenphilologie.” Yup, we feel dumb now too. [NBC News]

8. Eric Shinseki steps down from Veteran Affairs post
Amid a storm of accusations of hospital mismanagement, the VA secretary resigned, admitting that his department has shown “a systemic, totally unacceptable lack of integrity.” [New York Times]

9. Google unveils self-driving car
The company has released images and video of its autonomous automobile prototype, which looks kind of like a happy bubble iPod clown. This has robot uprising written all over it. [Fast Co. Design]

10. Transgender advocate Laverne Cox on the cover of Time
The activist and Orange Is the New Black actor is the first transgender person to appear on the iconic magazine’s cover, in a story subtitled “America’s next civil rights frontier.” It’s about time, Time. [The Advocate]