posted
05/11/11
[Editor's note: Women know them when they see them. You might not. They are Chick Un-Magnets. Instead of attracting, they repel. We asked Los Angeles writer Meredith Hoffa to share 10 things that turn women off. But there are more. There are many, many more.]
Skinny jeans
First, this is a trend for girls. And not all girls, just certain tall, leggy, lanky, fat-less girls. So when you wear skinny jeans, you are not only dressing like a girl, you are dressing like a girl dressing unflatteringly. Why would you want to get into this mess? Men in skinny jeans look like they are wearing Spidey tights. They also look like their legs have been poured into denim sausage casings. A third thing they look like is a toddler waddling around. None of these things is manly. Neither is the fact that you are crushing your balls into oblivion.
Bowler hat
This piece of apparel screams I AM SELF-CONSCIOUSLY WHIMSICAL! I AM A POET OF LIFE! PERHAPS I PLAY THE PAN FLUTE! When you are sporting this item, I am acutely aware that you are trying to tell me things about the state of your soul. Please do not communicate with me via your hat.
Carrying a comb on your person
This is crazy and alarming. I know it worked for Danny Zuko and The Fonz, but these guys are not only from the olden times, they are also fictional. If you have a haircut/style that requires touch-ups throughout the day with a grooming implement of any kind, it might be time to rethink your fancy schmantzy hair situation.
Loafers of any sort
If you fall into one of the following categories, loafers may well be an appropriate choice of footwear for you: you are a nightclub owner in Miami Beach, you are a professor in New England, you are elderly and need a slip-on shoe, you are a chauffeur required to wear “driving shoes” as part of your company-issued uniform, you are Hugh Hefner. Otherwise, please back away from the loafers. This is not an appropriate shoe for young, vital, heterosexual men. True story: Several years ago I went on a perfectly pleasant date with a guy named Stephen who wore these really expensive-looking pebbled leather loafers (he was from another country so I didn’t question it). Years later I learned he was a date rapist. So.
Gum
A person who is chewing gum is pretty hard to like. In fact I’d estimate that gum-chewing makes a person instantly 50-60 percent more hate-able. (Ever seen the Two A-holes on SNL?) Let’s agree to leave the world’s finite gum supply entirely to children, baseball players and people trying to quit smoking.
A pet other than a dog
A charming, warbling bird perched on your shoulder! A cuddly little ferret trailing you on a leash! Jesus.
Those ‘toe’ shoes
No! Seriously! These are scary! I get a very unpleasant shivery feeling whenever I see these. If you truly must wear these appalling feet-gloves, can they please just be for padding around your house in private? Because when you go about town in them, you are not only giving many innocent civilians a creepy, icked-out feeling, you are also coming across as one of those people who is weirdly infatuated with foot health. I am obsessed with giving footrubs! For metatarsal health! I love insoles! Toe boxes! Arches! Insteps! Phalanges! Bones! Yeah BONES!
Jetta
This is a girl car.
Ed Hardy tees
Maybe I’m missing something here, but I‘m puzzled by the man who chooses these expensive, ostensibly-for-young-girls T-shirts as the expression of his personal style. What, exactly, is he trying to say via the sparkles, hearts, mythical creatures, sunbursts, giant flowers and snakes sliding down rainbows on his torso? Someday I hope to get to the bottom of this – though I humbly accept that I may never understand it and will just have to come to some kind of peace with this mysterious, profoundly baffling fact of our universe.
Cause-wear
This refers to a scenario in which your cap, T-shirt or bag advertises which super amazing cause you just biked cross-country to raise money for. Obviously you are a good, thoughtful human being. And this is a great thing; the world needs more people like you. But immediately — subconsciously – my defensiveness kicks in and my thought process goes: 1) This is a good person. 2) He seems like a better person than me. 3) Smug-ass bitch.
COMMENTS
May 11, 2011 9:53 am
pj
Just because they turn you off doesn’t mean they turn off ALL women.
Anyway, anything will turn off a woman anyway. Women are creatures of inconsistency
May 11, 2011 10:58 am
deeej
loafers depend on location. i went to college in the south and loafers w/o socks were the norm
May 11, 2011 11:31 am
Ben Carlsen
Thank you for this list. Because of this, I now know exactly how to repel picky, bitter, shallow, superficial, entitled women. While I already do that by being a sensible, normal, practical man, I now know that there are even more ways to keep myself as far away from those women as possible. That, of course, has been my goal for many years now.
May 11, 2011 4:10 pm
me
women already hate me so why shouldn’t I wear my bowler?
May 11, 2011 6:56 pm
Paul Rudd
Skinny jeans make my junk look bigger
May 12, 2011 6:26 am
Worldlywise
Shallow, superficial nonsense.
May 12, 2011 11:09 pm
Steven Slovik
I HATE my wife’s Jetta, and any VW. According to your list, I now see why!
May 13, 2011 6:17 pm
Ron Johnson
Whence the loafer hate? Believe it or not, there is a necessary in-between for athletic shoes and dress shoes. You should amend this one to racecar driver shoes, because whether laced or slip-on, they have got to be the douchiest thing going.
May 14, 2011 1:30 am
Markdog
Maybe not every guy is trying to communicate with you via shit he has because that’s all he has, like a Jetta or cause-wear. And what’s worse, gum or bad breathe?
May 14, 2011 1:34 am
Markdog
Matching hair and door jams aren’t aesthetically pleasing, either.
May 14, 2011 1:58 am
Dan
I don’t want to date a girl who finds cats repulsive anyway. They’re a totally chill pet. And ffs, I’m not gonna advocate that dudes carry around 20-piece make-up kits, but it’s a problem if I have a 99-cent comb in my back pocket? Because I keep a comb on me for the days where I’m gonna be late to work and have to skip washing my hair, I’m suddenly “schmantzy”?
Anyway, like the guy above me said, at least I have more ways to repel the shallow now. Also, thanks for reminding me why I stopped reading Maxim.
May 14, 2011 2:36 am
nick
How about 10 things that repel men?
stupid, female, opinionated, redheaded, d-grade-journos would be a good start.
May 14, 2011 5:03 pm
axhed
good to know i can keep farting with impunity.
May 15, 2011 9:21 am
James
wait…. what if its an old jetta?
May 15, 2011 2:23 pm
Lifestyles365
I would say the +1 to this list is “trying too hard.” Whether it be a look, type of personality etc. etc.
May 18, 2011 9:29 am
dog
john lennon was an avid gum-chewer. just check out some of the old ed sullivan clips of the beatles.
May 19, 2011 1:52 pm
JetPunch
We should bang. I wish all girls shared these thoughts.
May 19, 2011 4:57 pm
Aydika
While I thumbs-up the Ed Hardy “no-no,” I also have to strongly argue against the anti-loafer sentiment. As a Mens’ Style Expert, I work with men all over the US, ranging from biz-formal professionals to hip, edgy sports stars — and I can confidently say there’s a stylish (masculine) pair of loafers for all of them. I have to wonder what exactly your understanding of a “loafer” is…perhaps you’ve just been soured by some seriously ugly experiences.
The right man (or stylist) may help you see the light. Either way: Thanks for the laugh!
May 24, 2011 11:38 am
dilly
does stating that a blog writer is hot also repel women??
May 25, 2011 9:04 pm
hammad
its really true.very well done.conrats to the weiter.
May 29, 2011 2:45 pm
grisswife
I live in Europe and a lot of the items listed are in-style here, and they look nice. Loafers – love them on my husband and they’re popular, even in the states. They’re casual, classy, and he found a super-comfy pair that don’t look grandpa-ish. Toe shoes, although not meant to be an everyday wear, is an amazing shoe! We’re outdoor people, so the technology behind them is great! Okay, so I’m not all shopaholic fashionable, but I know where to draw the line between comfort and looks and a happen to disagree with the majority of this list. I’ll give you credit on the comb and the pets, but the rest is saying you’re looking for someone perfect – good luck finding him!
June 2, 2011 11:53 am
twenty-something
Can we add the Donald Duck or Porky Pig to this list? Come on guys…
June 7, 2011 8:20 am
Jake
What if the Jetta is a sick shift?
June 7, 2011 8:21 am
Jake
stick*
June 11, 2011 11:28 am
Thierry in FRance
What a load of rubbish. It just goes to how shallow american girls are. Trousers were made for men so skinny jeans are for men. If a man wears a skirt is he gay. So by this if a girl wears trousers/jeans is she a lesbien.
You should and can wear what you like and what YOU feel confortable in. I would also add what repels me in women is a one that wears a see thru blouse with a coloured bra under it.
Instead how about what attracts a women to a man and visa versa.
June 13, 2011 12:08 pm
Aubrey
This blog post contradicts a cause supported by this site (http://www.mademan.com/buy-t-shirt-look-stylish-help-japan/)… If you want to get with Meredith, don’t listen to the advice on this site. Now entering logic confusion loop…
June 13, 2011 1:48 pm
Joe Donatelli
Hi Aubrey — our writers are allowed to express differing opinions. As a result, some of the points of view within the articles are going to differ from others. This is standard editorial practice at any good magazine, newspaper or website. Thanks for writing!
July 2, 2011 6:26 am
Sergio
My opinion is that women like this over-think the whole idea of fashion. They try to scrutinize fashion to a degree a man like me will never understand. I am however, reasonable and willing to make wardrobe improvements, but some of these suggestions seem a bit over the top.
July 12, 2011 2:37 am
Sahil
While i agree with some of the things on here, completely disagree with ya on Toe shoes, they are awesome and actually have many women come up to me to ask me questions about them making for a great conversation starter. and why not represent a cause you’re supporting, seems rather silly?
July 19, 2011 5:29 am
yogabbagabbahey
Yes! So glad loud farting avoided the cut!
July 28, 2011 7:32 am
STEELWOLVES
Meredith…you should retire from writing. If that is the best you can do. If a person is reasonably attractive and treats you decently, that is what should be important. Whether one drives a Jetta or wears loafers is important? Good God woman – - get some perspective or quit journalism.
August 1, 2011 8:34 pm
christine
lol, my goodness, I never realized men were so touchy…sorry guys..
but
1. skinny jeans yep…they make you look like you took a dump in your pants.
Bowler hat…um, no.
3. carrying a comb..not an issue for me…actually carrying a comb would be a plus because I could borrow it…carrying eyeline however…
Things she is completely wrong about
the jetta and vibrams.
I like any dude who has a paid off car..it screams smart and sensible.
and vibrams indicate a man who runs….barefoot. It says he cares about his body…so that when you get that cause t shirt off, you are looking at something tight. Nice.