Sure, this is a men’s website. But the smartest women are probably scouting us out here to get some insights into how we think.
So ladies, here are ten things women do that men just can’t stand…
“A story is not a never-ending series of detours from the main point every time your brain switches gears. So get to it—with a minimum of digressions into what you ate for breakfast every day in fifth grade or your go-to place for the world’s cutest shoes during your senior year abroad.”
10. Getting too drunk
We all love going out and drinking and partying, but let’s be grown ups about it, shall we? When you’re falling down drunk at 10 o’clock, you’re not a date, you’re a liability. Not only do I have to get you home alive and in one piece, but I’m also going to have to fight the boyfriend of the girl you were mouthing off to after your 16th shot of Fireball. Know your limits and if need be, get help. Girls getting beyond totally smashed was kind of cute in college. Not so much once you’re done with High School: The College Years.
9. Giving me shit about pleasures, guilty or otherwise
So what if a guy likes gaming, professional wrestling or “bad” movies. As long as he doesn’t insist that you share in his love, what do you care what he does when you’re not around? Needling us about how much the stuff we like sucks or is childish is a great way to get us to never call you again. No one wants to have to walk on eggshells about the things they enjoy doing. Guys like guy things. Stop giving us a bunch of crap about it.
8. Telling stories that go on forever
A story, by definition, has a beginning, a middle and an end. It is not a never-ending series of detours from the main point every time your brain switches gears. Since we’re a gentlemanly lot, we’re not going to cut you off and demand you get to the point like we would with one of our guy friends. But rest assured, in our heads, we’re screaming “get to the point!” So get there—with a minimum of digressions into what you ate for breakfast every day in fifth grade or your go-to place for the world’s cutest shoes during your senior year abroad.
7. Being super loud
I’ll admit to a preference for particularly meek women, but I’ve never met a guy attracted to women who remind him of Fran Drescher in The Nanny. No one likes feeling like they’re being shouted at and there’s something masculine about a woman who is loud all the time. You don’t have to breathily whisper everything you say, but maybe keep your inside voice on?
6. Keeping too many guy “friends”
There’s nothing wrong with having a guy friend or two, but too many is kind of a red flag. We know there’s about a 90 percent chance you used to sleep with them, and if you have, about a 50 percent chance you’ll do it again. And even if you haven’t and wouldn’t, they’re probably hanging around, waiting for their shot at you. While we’re on the subject, a guy isn’t “just like a brother to you” if you’ve ever drunkenly made out with him. For the most part, guys don’t want a girl who is “just one of the guys.” They want a girl who is… ya know… a girl.
5. Asking for opinions you don’t really want
Don’t ask us if we think you think that dress makes you look fat. If we say yes, you’re going to be pissed. If we say no, you won’t believe us. This kind of no-win situation applies to approximately 44 percent of all questions women ask men, with the number skyrocketing to 95 percent when we’re getting ready for a night on the town. You’re basically just setting traps and testing us to see how we do. That’s a bummer for everyone involved, considering there’s no way to pass.
4. Not grooming your lady bits
You don’t have to go full porno waxing, but some attention to detail here is absolutely necessary. Guys are not subject to this rule for the same reason that we don’t shave our legs. Sorry. There’s just more upkeep in being a girl than being a guy. Don’t shoot the messenger. If you’re going to get mad, get mad at 300,000 years of natural selection.
3. Having a sense of entitlement
Few things are worse than a woman who thinks her man owes her everything. Even if you’re dating a guy who wants to pay for dinner all the time, the simple gesture of picking up the tab for a cup of coffee or buying him a drink at the bar—and insisting on it—goes a long way. Girls who never want to pay for anything are also generally the girls who expect a $20,000 engagement ring and still won’t be happy with it. It’s not even about the money. It’s about the attitude.
2. Talking shit on my friends
Listen, guys know that all of their friends are not the best people in the world. Some of them smell bad, some of them can’t hold down jobs and some of them are always dating the most obnoxious women alive. But they’re our friends, not yours, so what do you care? It’s doubtful that you ever have to deal with them much. Any time you make a guy choose between his friends and you, you run a strong risk of coming out on the losing end. So don’t force our hand.
1. Being crazy
Strangely, I agree with Sarran. It’s never a good move to call a woman crazy. But let’s be honest—even the least crazy woman in the world has been known to get a little crazy. So whenever possible, don’t give us a reason to call you crazy, because we’re both going to regret it.