Apple products are, by their very nature, extremely intuitive. They know what you want almost before you do, and the new iPhone 4S can even speak. But beyond that, this phone and its predecessors can do a ton of cool stuff that you might not even know. This can seem ominous if you’ve watched the Terminator flicks one too many times, but ultimately, dude, you still have the power. Especially once you study up on the 11 killer apps and secret features below. Not only would they make Steve Jobs proud, they can change your life. For the better, of course.
1. It can double as a scanner: Genius Scan is a free app that allows you to scan documents, presentation boards, and photos into a PDF that you can e-mail or transfer directly to Dropbox or Evernote.
Which is awesome because: Think how much easier your expense reports will be when you can digitize them rather than trying to organize dozens of crumply, beer-stained receipts.
2. It can mask your real phone number: RingShuffle fends off the stage-4 clinger you just hooked up with before she even sees it coming. The app provides you with a temporary phone number that forwards to your cell when dialed.
Which is awesome because: It allows you to deal with people for a limited amount of time. Once you’re through with the ticket scalp and/or meaningless sex, you can simply change out the number and cleanly ditch the shady characters involved.
3. It can remember your touch: Designed for people with disabilities, assistive touch technology lets you program your phone to use many of the finger cues available on a Mac touchpad or iPad—or entirely new ones.
Which is awesome because: The flick-of-the-finger can really come in handy when scrolling through large documents, a full inbox, or an e-book. So can using two fingers to rotate an image, a four-finger swipe to show your desktop, or your middle finger to trash annoying emails.
4. It can eavesdrop on the fuzz: Listen to local or international law enforcement channels using the 5-0 Radio police scanner app.
Which is awesome because: Thousands of channels provide hours of entertainment. Check out the code dictionary to know exactly what is going down.
5. It can sync wirelessly: Still working with a 3G and lusting after Apple’s iCloud? With a jailbroken phone, download Wifi Sync through Cydia and never plug in your iPhone again.
Which is awesome because: Music, apps, contacts,and more will automatically appear on your device without you ever being tempted to strangle yourself with a USB cable.
6. It can tell you to catch a cab: With the BAC Alchohol Calculator app, plug in your gender and weight, then drag and drop a variety of drinks into appropriate time slots to calculate just how drunk you are.
Which is awesome because: 99 cents for the app is a whole lot cheaper than a DUI.
7. It can hide your naughty material: For only 99 cents, My Secret Folder will harbor your illicit contacts, photos, videos and more.
Which is awesome because: The icon blends in with the other folders on your iPhone, so your girlfriend won’t suspect a thing. And all login attempts are photographed, so you can catch her in the act of trying to snoop your phone while you sleep. Relationship counseling costs extra.
8. It can snap pics on the fly: Skip the time-consuming unlocking and loading by double-clicking on the home button and using the camera shortcut in the lower right-hand corner. You can even take pics with your headphones—the + on the volume control doubles as a camera trigger.
Which is awesome because: Hot chicks in spandex are not only suspicious, they can also run by pretty fast.
9. It can store your personal vocabulary: In the keyboard settings, create and store personal shortcuts for easy texting and e-mailing. When you type in the shortcut, it automatically expands to the saved phrase.
Which is awesome because: It not only lets you email and text faster, it prevents your prissy Auto Correct from constantly changing, say, blowjob to bluejay.
10. It can save your attachments: Although Apple now allows you to view Microsoft attachments in Mail, there is no way to save them on your phone for easy retrieval. Available on jailbroken iPhones, Attachment Saver lets you download all types of attachment files, even those not viewable in Mail, and saves them directly to your phone.
Which is awesome because: Your elevator pitches will score way more venture capitalist cash when they’re accompanied by a kickass PowerPoint.
11. It can capture onscreen genius: Immortalize your video game high scores and hilarious texts by pressing the home and lock buttons at the same time. That will seamlessly save a screen shot in your photos.
Which is awesome because: Otherwise, no one will ever believe you topped 10,000 points playing Zombie Parkour Runner.