1. Gather up your buddies and recreate your favorite moments from the Jackass trilogy.

2. Swing.

3. Get a white couch.

4. Live in a neighborhood with a really crappy school district.

5. Masturbate in the living room.

6. Run for President of the local Zero Population Growth chapter.

7. Drive over 100 miles an hour on a side street.

8. Black Tar Heroin.

9. Masturbate in the kitchen.

10. Beat up the neighbor who has been a dick since the day you moved in.

11. Play Russian Roulette.

12. Leave all the windows wide open on your 72nd floor penthouse.

13. Tweet photos of your penis to random girls in Washington State. (Oh, I’m sorry, that’s from Things To Do Before Becoming a Congressman.)