By: Marushka Mujic

I think we all know by now that ruining a date is no difficult task. But perhaps by looking at a solidified list of the sorry scenarios you’re accidentally getting yourself into, you’ll be able to steer clear of such shocking, unfortunate instances in future courting.

What never to say

Because the majority of your dates will most likely involve a meal, which leaves a gaping hole of time just asking to be filled with conversational errors, it’s most important to watch your mouth. Here are some tips of subjects never to touch on.

#1 Your ex 

She already hates your ex. She hates that you even opened your eyes and saw women before you met her. Unfortunately, she’s always desperately curious about your romantic past and, therefore, won’t shut you up if you’re silly enough to bring it up. She will, however, still hate you for it.

#2 Your mom

While some women love men that love their mothers, it’s a dodgy subject and a thin line. When first getting to know someone, unless it’s just a quick mention of your mother’s unimportant role in a story, don’t bring her up. You can be all too easily categorized as a mama’s boy who may not know how to cook for himself, clean his own clothes and cut his own hair (NOTE: It does not matter if these things are true, so long as she does not know it).

#3 Your financial problems 

Yes, it’s a tough time for nearly everyone we know and it makes for a good conversation starter at a bar. But not at a restaurant with a woman you’d like to take home. While she may not be snooty or inconsiderate or even judge you negatively for your current lack of funds, it’s best to avoid a conversation as controversial as this, considering a woman wants to feel that she (and the bill) will be taken care of.

#4 Stories about strippers 

Even if you’ve come up with the most ingenious way of engaging in a wild sexual experience (http://www.mademan.com/how-facilitate-threesome/) or have the most entertaining sexual escapade to share, DON’T. Not until you’ve felt out her vibe enough to notice if she’s the kind of chick who can dig off the fly, bizarro anecdotes. Most women do not get a kick out of strippers, hard as that may be for you to believe.

#5 Too much mention of brodeo 

If you’re at a dinner with a new lady and the topics of conversation keep returning somehow to this hilarious thing your best friend did or the way you spent some several weekends with your closest dudes, watch out. This might signal to your date that you’re in "man-love" with your homeboys and, therefore, imply that she’ll be in tight competition. Women cannot stand being pitted against the group of bro’s, so try to tone down the man-to-man love for the dinner’s duration.

#6 Family baggage

Family problems, insecurities, instances and traumas are likely a big part of a lot of people’s lives. We all keep a collection of stories that have deep emotional significance in our personal lives. HOWEVER, nothing says "Run!" to a new woman like an overbearing confession concerning torrid pasts and tortured souls. Try to keep the conversation light for at least for the first few meetings, so she doesn’t feel like she’s walking into a death trap of dead-end problems.

#7 Awkwardly complimenting

In the heat of the moment, when a pretty woman is sitting across from you, staring back expectantly, it’s often easy to get jelly mouth and have your tongue betray you. For this reason, try to stick to pretty standard compliments if you’re looking to flatter your female. Something like "That’s a beautiful dress, by the way," or "I really like how your hair looks like that," is perfectly tempered. A woman just wants to know that you’re noticing her. This is enough to get her in the mood to pay attention to you, without giving you opportunity to screw it up by scrambling for poorly arranged phrases.

#8 What she’s eating

Obviously, at a dinner, it’s known that people ask "What are you getting?" or "How’s your food?" – and this is entirely appropriate. What is not appropriate, however, is making some seemingly unloaded comment about how much your date is eating, why she ordered a salad instead of a steak, or pestering her about her decision to be a vegetarian. Women are insecure. The end. Don’t address their dinner in these ways while they’re eating it, or they’ll be gone before even thinking about ingesting another bite.

What never to do

It’s officially fact that men and women are alien species to each other and that our behavior is therefore mismatched at many moments. Thus meaning, something you do on a date that you would not interpret as being awfully offensive, may immediately imply not-so-awesome things to her. So, after watching your mouth, you’ll need to (at least mildly) monitor your male instincts.

#9 Picking the wrong place from the start

If you don’t know what "kind of gal" you’re taking out (meaning, whether she’s a sports bar kind of chick or a ritz gala kind of lady), then try to shoot for something pleasantly in the middle. A nicely upscale, but none too fancy restaurant will do just fine. If you’re at all interested in having this date go someplace other than the restaurant, you’ll need to make sure the dinner experience is so wonderful that she can only assume what comes next will follow accordingly.

#10 Eying your waitress

Sure, sometimes it’s good to tease a woman’s interest by subtly showing her that you’re attractive to other women. But, on a date, this is not the right way to get her excitably envious. It is, however, the right way to get her super excited to slap you in the face (unfortunately, in the non-kinky way).

#11 Forcing her to dance

Some women have absolutely no confidence in their fancy feet, no matter how drunk or desirable they (or you) are. So while it may be a cute thing that leading, charming men do in movies, grabbing a girl and forcing her to hop up and jive despite her flailing arms and big cringe, let’s leave it to the movies for now. You may cause your date serious humiliation, which will immediately close the door to your post-dinner potential.

#12 Answering your phone

I don’t care if you’re the CEO of a fortunate 500 or the biggest club promoter in Hollywood, do not pick up your cell phone at a dinner table if you’re intending to get laid. Women love nothing more than uninterrupted attention. So, turn off your phone entirely, because even if she sees you look at the screen and ignore the call, she’ll assume it’s another girl. And oh boy, you can only imagine how bad things get from there.

#13 Ordering for her

At this point in the 21st century, we would all hope that this one is common sense, but sometimes, in an effort to capture old-fashioned chivalrous behavior, men slip up here. Don’t order for her unless it’s a bottle of something fantastic at the dinner’s beginning that you’ve already cleared with her taste buds. There are other ways to be chivalrous and charming (http://www.mademan.com/get-her-dinner-bed/) that are better appreciated and, therefore, better rewarded. 

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