So two years ago, I attended the Furious 7 premiere—having never seen a Fast and Furious film—and instantly became an F&F convert. I immediately went back and binge-watched the first six flicks to soak up every ounce of NOS, every Tyrese wisecrack and every scantily clad race starter the franchise has to offer. And you can bet I was front and center for a sneak peek at The Fate of the Furious in New York last night.
While this one encounters a bit of mid-movie drag—too many scenes of Vin Diesel and Charlize Theron sitting around talking leave you begging “more fast and/or furious, please!”—the overdrive that kicks in over the final 45 minutes assure Fate lives up to its promise as the most bombastic B-movie ever.
I don’t wanna spoil too much, but I did come away with a lot of little nuggets that I’m just sure were considered as potential taglines before the marketers settled on “New roads ahead” and “Family no more.” So in lieu of a review, with is kind of a silly exercise with these movies anyway, here ya go. Ride or die, brothers!
16. Dom Toretto is Robin Hood! Or Benedict Arnold! Or… still rocking those white jeans, anyway.
15. Dwayne Johnson returns in his biggest, baddest Under Armour ad yet.
14. Fuck the NOS—they’re going NUCLEAR.
13. Deckard Shaw is back… and he brought his parkour shoes!
12. Michelle Rodriguez stars in… The Sighing Game
11. 50 percent less hoochie mamas, 50 percent more ’splosions.
10. We never thought we’d say this but… too much Charlize?
9. Three words: Helen fucking Mirren
8. The sexy Cuban race starter is Lisandra Delgado. You’re welcome.
7. Did we mention the hacker catfight??
6. Meet the new Paul Walker: Scott Eastwood
5. Hey, isn’t that the ginger from Game of Thrones? It is!
4. Getting the family back together. With orange Lamborghinis.
3. That’s right, we brought back Leo and Santos but not Mia. Whatcha gonna do about it??
2. The hottest car in this movie is a TANK.
1. Definitely one of the top 8 Fast and Furious films.