dirty shower

Don’t forget to clean the bathroom before your gal pays a visit or you risk being judged by one of the most unforgiving things on Earth: a dirty shower. And you know she’ll check if it’s dirty. Women have a naturally curiosity when it comes to checking behind the scenes at their boyfriend’s place. What’s hidden in the bathroom can speak volumes. Your medicine cabinet tips her off that you suffer from chronic heartburn, the Rogaine in your cabinet lets her know you’re going bald and the wax strips in the trash clue her in that you have a very hairy butt. But just wait until you hear what a dirty shower says.

crotch

Your crotch probably smells. It’s tough to get clean in a dirty shower, which means your girlfriend is likely to assume you don’t get clean. She is also likely to be right—and least in her imagination. And a woman’s imagination can go wild. In addition to a smelly crotch, your girlfriend may start to believe you have earwax buildup, rotting teeth and toenails that reach to Miami.

slob.jpg

You’re a closet slob. Even if you managed to sweep all the popcorn kernels beneath the throw rug and stuff the old pizza box under the couch before your girlfriend arrives, your dirty shower will be your downfall. She’ll see that your outward cleanliness is just an act because one of the most important places in your home is covered in filth. Here comes your girlfriend’s fear that your slovenliness will one day burst out of the closet, or in this case the shower stall, and take over the entire house, transforming it into a stinky hellhole. Definitely not marriage material.

hates cleaning

You need a mother, not a girlfriend. A dirty shower says you don’t want to grow up. You never learned how to clean up after yourself or simply don’t feel like it—and you’re not going to change that habit anytime soon. After all, it can take weeks for a shower stall to show its true filth with all that soap and water running through it all the time. Your girlfriend will think you are either expecting your mother to show up to properly scour your shower or you’re holding out for a girlfriend who acts as your mother. The latter is even better, of course, since it means you might get some sex out of the deal. If you thought a closet slob made you non-marriage material, just wait until you see what needing a mother-girlfriend does for you.