As with most things in life, football offers all the wisdom and lessons you need to understand almost any concept. Although your girlfriend might scoff at the notion, the bedroom is really no exception. After all, if these plays are enough to ensure success on the gridiron, then who is she to say that they won’t work in the sack?
In fact, as some experts on the human cranium will probably tell you, football and sex aren’t entirely dissimilar. Both are hard-wired to the primal centers of man’s psyche. So really, it makes perfect sense to use the former to better inform your prowess in the latter. As such, here are five football plays that are prime for use in the bedroom.
The Slow-Developing Handoff
No woman likes it when you rush things in the bedroom. For the ladies, much of the enjoyment derived from sex comes from foreplay and your ability to be emotionally present during lovemaking. Subsequently, it’s a good idea to set up the play by allowing it to develop slowly before you start flinging the rock into the red zone.
Begin by building her arousal and taking the time to please her. Once she’s grinding into your face with abandon, it’s probably time to consider moving into a new formation. But even though you’ll be calling a different play, it’s still best to gradually pick up the pace. Don’t go for an all-out, make-her-sore session until she’s really into that phase of the game.
In football, play action is a means of making the defense into believe that a run play is occurring when the quarterback is really dropping back into the pocket to shoot off a quick pass. If it’s executed properly, play action creates an element of uncertainty that allows a quarterback to utterly bombard the end zone.
When it comes to matters of coitus, the principle of play action translates more into a philosophy than a true “play,” as it were. Simply put: The more unpredictable you are, the more interesting you’ll be. An impulsive, table-clearing move or an impromptu kitchen-counter session would be two good examples of how this play works.
The Naked Bootleg
The naked bootleg is an essential move for any pro’s playbook. In this play, you turn her on her side and put her left calf onto your left shoulder. In non-football sex terms, this is called the “side wind-her” position; however, what makes this move special is the side-to-side juke move you’ll do.
Once you’re inside her, rotate your hips like a running back hitting that’s hitting the gap. You’ll also want to go back and forth between being in an elevated kneeling position and a lower crouch-like angle. From here, you can easily transition into something like the sideways missionary or (if you’re feeling athletic) into the reverse cowgirl before moving into a hurry-up offense.
The Field Goal
This is the last position in this series of plays, but to do it, you have to raise the uprights. To do it properly, you’ll want to slide your knees forward to the line of scrimmage and lift her legs upward. Gently hold her ankles so she’s in a sort of inverted spread-eagle position. Not only will she be in a more comfortable spot, but it’ll gives you more leverage for quicker, deeper thrusts.
Also, you’ll have an excellent view of the end zone as both of you reach climax. Just remember: You’re down to the final three points of the game, bud — don’t let the opposing team ice the kicker. This is the most important play of the game.