The bar is easily one of the manliest places in existence. A candy shop for adults full of all the delights you could ever hope to embrace. Sometimes these choices prove too much or too frightening and you resort to ordering sweet, ridiculously tart drinks. To help avoid this disaster here are 4 drinks men should never order, and the drinks you can replace them with.
Red Headed Slut
This mixture of peach Schnapps, Jagermeister, and cranberry juice is a sure sign of an inexperienced drinker. The tartness of the cranberry juice covers the real flavors of the Jager and ensures that you never have to make an “Eww” face after doing the shot. But this is like playing putt putt golf and pretending you teed off against Tiger at the Masters.
Drink Instead: Jagermeister and a chaser of Cranberry Juice. This combo has similar flavors to the Red Headed Slut but will let you seem like the badass at the bar who’s drinking shots of Jager. Sit back and wait for women to ask you “Are you a rockstar?”*
*this may not happen.
Sex On The Beach
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Based on name alone this mixture of orange juice, cranberry juice, peach Schnapps (seeing a trend?), and vodka deserves a place on this list. Although less sweet than others, it still has all the sugar of a candy bar and will easily leave you craving sweet relief from your hangover the next morning.
Drink Instead: A Cape Cod. This simple mix of cranberry and vodka can be surprisingly refreshing instead of sickeningly sweet. It also is awesome to say “give me a cape cod” and let every woman within earshot imagine you standing on the deck of your schooner doing your best Kennedy impression. And the more you can seem like a Kennedy the better, unless you’re in a convertible in Dallas.
Soco And Lime
Odds are good if you’ve spent any time in a college bar you’ve heard a screamed order of “Soco and lime” accompanied by high fives and rally cries. Unfortunately for the poor soul ordering this drink they do not know that they would be better off sucking on a Jolly Rancher for the rest of the night. Once again our old enemy sweetness covers up most of the alcohol in this shot.
Drink Instead: Whiskey, straight up. There are few experiences in life quite as awesome as drinking any whiskey straight with no chaser. The drinks infamy with rockstars and cowboys alike will make you feel like you went into the woods, fought a bear, and are now wearing its skin as a messenger bag for your handwritten copy of the Magna Carta.
Blow Job Shot
Beyond the fact that you have to see your bartender and not be covered in shame after ordering this ridiculous shot, this combination of Irish cream and almond liquor is almost guaranteed to give you a hangover thanks to its high sugar content. This is, as always, avoidable when you’re armed with the right information.
Drink Instead: An Irish Car Bomb. This mix of dark Irish beer, Irish cream, and Irish whiskey goes down smooth with some sweetness but has enough beer to level it out and keep your head from spinning the next day. Plus, you get to order a car bomb, easily the manliest name for a drink there is.