zombie apocalypse

The job market is not easy to navigate. With the economy in the state that it’s in, many people are grabbing whatever job they can get, but after the Zombie Apocalypse hits (which it will) there won’t be a need for 99 percent of the jobs out there. So give up your dreams of being an actor. Zombies don’t watch TV. There’s no need to go to school to be a writer. Zombies can’t read. Baristas at coffee houses surely won’t be in demand. No sir, when the Zombie Apocalypse hits, you’ll only need to know one of four skills to be useful in this world. Here are the four jobs that will prepare you for life after the Zombie Apocalypse.


Welder. Learning how to build things out of wood would be useful if you didn’t have a pack of brain hungry walking dead constantly after you. Carpenters won’t be needed in the new world, but welders will be of the utmost importance. Zombies can get through wood, but they ain’t making a dent in anything metal. So reinforcing your new zombie-proof pad with metal is the only way to keep them out. Learn how to weld and you’ll be invaluable to the masses of idiots that went to school for law or medicine. Welders are also going to be the chief engineers of weaponry in this new zombie world. You can never have enough weapons.


Sprinter. It’s never too late to change your career goals in life. Become a runner. Preferably for sprinting purposes, though long distance can help, too. Think about it. Zombies don’t run very fast. The quicker you are, the better you’ll be at gathering supplies, finding food or escaping when the time comes. The best part about this particular job is that you need no formal training. Find a gym, hit a treadmill and get going. Don’t delay. You don’t want to be the chubby guy that get’s left behind and ends up a zombie value meal.

Hunter. These guys know how to kill and they’ll be secondary protectors. But their main responsibility is the finding and gathering of food from animal sources, and working in conjunction with the sprinters in order to find and transport food. People have to eat. They can’t live off of canned beans and Corn Flakes forever. So take an outdoors class. Learn how to hunt…and hope that the remaining animals on the planet aren’t infected with the zombie virus.


Warriors and protectors. These guys do it all. Now, while people with military backgrounds or law enforcement experience would fit in to this role quite well, remember something. The majority of these folks will already be dead because they fought the initial waves of zombies… and lost. This leaves the ranks open for anyone that wants to try their hand at kicking undead ass and taking names. It doesn’t matter what your previous work experience was. If you can pick up a weapon and smash it into a zombie’s head, you’re hired. This job does require the ability to work well as a team. Beef up your co-op video gaming, join a sports team and you’ll learn how to do things in a unit. Oh, and the warriors also double as doctors. Seeing as how there is no cure for the zombie virus, the warrior immediately kills anyone with the signs of infection.