Everyone wants to get it on at 30,000 feet. The problem is, the Mile High Club is an exclusive organization. Exclusive in the sense that it’s just not that easy to get freaky on an plane. In a post 9/11 world, your every move is scrutinized on a plane. Because of this, the road to the mile high club is much more rocky, it has many more potholes to go around. One wrong step and you’ll be in a small bricked room being questioned by the good cop and his best buddy, the bad cop. “No officer, I didn’t want to do anything to the plane, I wanted to do SOMEONE on the plane.”
Don’t sit next to her.To avoid any initial suspicions, you need to make sure that you and your love interest aren’t sitting right next to each other. It’ll look a lot less suspicious when you two head towards the back of the plane to the bathroom stall. Two seats in the same row missing looks fishy. Two random unoccupied seats gives off the impression that two passengers couldn’t stomach the crappy in flight meal. Do your best to create the smoke and mirrors you’ll need to get some mile high sex.
Signals. Make sure you two develop easily understandable signals. A scratch of your nose could mean “I’m heading to the restroom”. The stroking of your beard could mean “count to 10 before you head towards the bathroom”. Whatever you decide, make sure you both are clear on the signals before you get on the plane. Hell, practice your signals a few days before your flight. Confused signals are the easiest way to get caught.
Diversions. Doing something as simple as asking the flight attendant for a pillow can draw her attention to you while your girl slips to the bathroom. Don’t do anything crazy. You don’t want to end up in police custody or anything. Something subtle like a coughing spell should do it. You just want to give her time to get to the bathroom with the least amount of attention possible.
Time is of the essence. Be prepared to get it on as soon as you hit the bathroom. You don’t have time for foreplay. You don’t have time to be removing unneeded clothing. Your best bet is to get yourselves hot and heavy on the way to the airport. Maybe even tease each other before the flight. Be nice and horny on the plane. Also, don’t bother wearing underwear. Tell her to leave her skinny jeans at home. She needs an easy access outfit. Dresses always work. Oh, and when the deed is done, don’t hold up in the bathroom cuddling. Get in, out and get back to your seats.