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Breakups are never easy. Even if you’re the one doing the breaking up. The remnants of once strong emotion will no doubt still be in the air when you’re around your recent ex. It’s inevitable. No one can just shut feeling off. Because of this, there is a great deal of difficulty in totally severing ties with an ex. Especially if there’s a lot of history involved. The more history, the harder the break. But, face it. You want your stuff back. Five years into a relationship in no way entitles an ex to your movie collection, or any of the things you bought while living with her, right? The problem is finding the most un-awkward solution to getting your stuff back. By less than awkward, we mean not having to see her.

Enlist mutual friends. It’s not fair to ask your buddies to take place in the breakup madness. Don’t ask them to choose sides. Just ask them to go and get your stuff. Give them detailed instructions to ensure that your ex doesn’t get away with your baseball card collection, or your comics. Send them over to her house to collect your belongings. You should be able to pay them in beer after the task is successfully completed. The best part is, you won’t have to see her, thus eliminating the awkward encounter.

You go get your stuff… When she’s not there, of course. You should know her schedule. Just time your visit when you know she’s not around and go collect your things. When you finish getting everything, and decide what mutually purchased things to leave her, don’t forget to leave the key there as well. This’ll eliminate the temptation for you to show up again. You may even want to call her in advance letting her know you’ll be there. This way, you can guarantee that she won’t be around. The less contact, the better.

The mail. Have her send you your stuff. You should only use this method to avoid her if, and only if, you don’t mind losing a few items. She’s not going to remember everything that belongs to you, especially the communal stuff. So you run the risk of losing your commemorative edition dolls. But, this’ll keep you from having to go back to your old place and potentially risking an awkward confrontation with your former flame.

Have her drop it off at your parent’s home. Utilizing the third party approach, ask her to drop your stuff of at your parent’s home. This will accomplish two things. One, you won’t have to see her. Two, if she dated you for a while, she gets the opportunity to say bye to your parents. Don’t be surprised, however, if you get a little backlash from your folks.”She really was a nice girl… You messed up letting this one go”. Yeah, yeah, but at least she didn’t keep your video games. And that’s all a man really needs right? A good video game system, and some porn.