1. A wannabe Human Fly tried to scale Trump Tower.
Athletes in Rio may be doing some pretty impressive feats with their bodies right now, but all of their activities are not crimes. So, you know, boring. Maybe that explains why the nation’s eyes turned away from the Olympics for a few hours yesterday and fell squarely on Stephen Rogata, a 19-year-old dummy who tried to climb the sheer glass side of Trump Tower in midtown Manhattan using suction cups. Y’know, kind of like this guy. The attention-seeker made it 21 floors up, evading policemen who broke through nearby windows to reach him, before the cops finally nabbed him in a tight squeeze. Turns out the kid is a Trump supporter who was seeking an audience with the giant monster himself. Trump was too busy making up insane shit about Obama to attend the hypothetical summit.
2. Tesco and one of its customers elaborately memorialized a dead worm.
Despite the pall that Brexit has cast, there’s still some lovely stuff happening in the U.K. Namely, the back and forth between supermarket chain Tesco and Wes Metcalfe, a customer who discovered a dead worm packaged in with his shrink-wrapped cucumber. Metcalfe penned a Facebook post about how he’d named the worm William and was planning a funeral for him. After some prodding, a Tesco rep named Rob responded with a poem about William; Metcalfe sent back a photo of William’s gravesite; Rob wrote back with Oasis lyrics rewritten to be about William; and so forth. Probably the best thing to have come out of a customer service exchange, ever.
3. A mummified horror creature was unearthed in a Siberian diamond mine.
You’ve heard of a diamond in the rough—how about a demon in the rough? In Udachny, Siberia, miners dig for diamonds in a sand bed uncovered a mummified… thing… that’s got giant sharp teeth, hollow eyes and the bent back of a rodent Quasimodo. The miner who found the lil’ monster think it might be some kind of dinosaur, but it for sure looks like it had fur once. Either way, it’s not a thing we would’ve liked to meet when it was alive.
4. Cards Against Humanity is selling election-themed expansion packs to help Hillary.
Cheeky party game Cards Against Humanity has established itself as king of the weird internet fundraising tricks, whether it’s selling literal bullshit or cutting up a Picasso. If you’re not the kind of person who reads the rules, their latest stunt, “America Votes with Cards Against Humanity,” might look like a Hillary vs. Trump, winner-takes-all site. People can “vote” by buying a $4 expansion pack for one of the candidates. But here’s the brilliant part, written below the counters: “Depending on which pack gets more support, we will donate all the money in support of Hillary Clinton’s campaign.” This is how you do trolling for good, America.
5. The Lost Boys from Hook reunited 25 years later.
The biggest problem with leaving Neverland? You grow up. And sometimes sad things happen—like the untimely death of Robin Williams. Production company 22 Vision orchestrated a reunion of Hook‘s lost boys to pay tribute to their fallen Peter Pan on the anniversary of his death. The resulting photo, in which they wear versions of their old costumes, is both cute and existentially bizarre. They’re definitely not boys anymore. But, hey, Rufio can still pull off a red-feathered Mohawk like no other.