1. The RNC is a nightmare, but fortunately there’s comedy.
It has been a tough-to-stomach week for anyone following the nightmare circus surrounding the Republican National Convention, which has been metastasizing like a tumor in Cleveland since Sunday. Fortunately, late-night comedy has been there to ease some of the trauma. Stephen Colbert crashed the RNC dressed as Hunger Games TV host Caesar Flickerman (complete with blue wig) to mock the murderous excess of the whole affair; and Broadway actor Laura Benanti appeared on Colbert to do a frighteningly accurate send-up of Melania Trump’s now-infamous plagiarized speech. And if you want a reminder that there are still some lovely people in the White House, check out Michelle Obama doing Carpool Karaoke with James Corden and Missy Elliott. If watching the three of them jam out to “Get Ur Freak On” isn’t a balm for your soul, we don’t know what will ease the pain.
2. Primates love getting wasted.
Leave it to a wall-eyed lemur to prove that humans aren’t the only primates who love the hard stuff. Meet the aye-aye, a crazy-looking creature from Madagascar who are known to drink potentially fermented nectar in the wild. But are they getting wasted on purpose? Scientists at Dartmouth College decided to test the theory by giving two aye ayes named Morticia and Merlin (naturally) access to an alcoholic sucrose solution, and they absolutely loved it. The higher the booze content the better, in fact. “Aye-ayes used their fingers to compulsively probe the cups long after the contents were emptied, suggesting that they were extremely eager to collect all residual traces,” said one of the researchers. We do the same thing with empty margarita glasses, guys.
3. Michael J. Fox and Coldplay went back to Back to the Future.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad having Chris Martin as your dad. At a Coldplay gig at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey this week, Martin played a video of his son requesting that his dad play the song from the Enchantment Under the Sea dance at the end of Back to the Future. But Coldplay didn’t just play the Penguin’s “Earth Angel” and Chuck Berry’s “Johnny B Goode”—he also invited the original Marty McFly onstage to help out. Michael J. Fox joined the band onstage with a Gibson Les Paul guitar to prove that he’s still got it—and he totally rocked out. Several disappearing audience members reported that their hands stopped fading into thin air, so we guess the space-time continuum is officially repaired.
4. Scientists have discovered 97 new regions of the human brain.
Unsurprisingly uncharted: outer space. Surprisingly uncharted: our very own brains. The National Institutes of Health’s Human Connectome Project studied 210 people’s gray matter to create the most comprehensive map yet of the human mind, which includes almost 100 regions that were previously unknown. If only we could start using some of these things, maybe we’d stop making such terrible choices.
5. Here’s what we’d have to look like to survive car crashes—and it ain’t pretty.
Humans have been around a pretty long time. Cars? Not so much. A team of Australian researchers and artists collaborated on designing a hypothetical evolution of human designed to withstand car wreck, and he looks like… well… a car wreck. They’ve dubbed this monstrosity “Graham,” and here’s some fun stuff about Graham: He’s got no neck, 12 nipples and tiny eyes set deep into his bricklike face. Graham was created to promote road safety awareness, and boy howdy, are we aware of him. Just look at the poor guy.