1. Deflategate delights headline writers across nation
Haven’t we had enough “-gates” already? Apparently not, since New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick and his dreamy QB, Tom Brady, have come under fire for allegedly under-inflating the team’s pigskins during the AFC Championship game against the Colts. Who knows what really went down—but tabloid headline writers, at least, are having a blast. Among the best: The New York Daily News’ giant photo of Brady splashed with the words: MY BALLS ARE PERFECT. [Rolling Stone, SB Nation]

2. The Decemberists perform YouTube comments
Colin Meloy and his band took a break from singing about doomed mariners and moody acrobats in favor of a very different kind of drama. While appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live! to promote their new album, the Decemberists performed jangly sea-shanty renditions of angry YouTuber’s reactions to everything from frolicking pandas to Kim Kardashian’s plastic surgery. [Pitchfork]

3. Ramen noodle–filled semi wipes out on highway
On Wednesday, a truck carting hundreds of boxes of Maruchan Ramen ran off of I-95 in North Carolina, spilling its starchy contents all over the highway and shutting down traffic for six hours. No word yet on whether a mob of feral undergrads materialized from the surrounding woods to claim their booty. [CNN]

4. King Tut’s mask repaired with epoxy
Yeah, so you know that iconic Egyptian burial mask that’s on the cover of all the history textbooks? The priceless relic lives in Cairo at the Egyptian Museum, and thanks to some shoddy curatorial oversight, it may not be in one piece anymore. During a routine cleaning last year, Tutankhamun’s goatee allegedly got snapped off—and then hastily fixed with garden-variety epoxy. If this turns out to be true, we’re pretty sure there’s an epic mummy’s curse coming down the line. Watch out for ghost scarabs. [Guardian]

5. Woman chased by swarm of bunnies
Well technically, a large group of bunnies is called a “fluffle.” A Japanese woman posted a video this week in which she jogs down a palm-lined street pursued by dozens of rabbits. But don’t worry, this isn’t a long-eared version of The Birds. Wielding a bag of some kind of food, the lady has a ridiculous smile on her face. Although, that might just be what the bunnies want you to think… [Gawker]