1. Super Bowl Sunday approaches
Fry those wings and chill those brewskies, America—It’s time once more for the NFL’s bloated, beloved championship as the Patriots face off against the Seahawks, and Katy Perry preps what is sure to be a wig-tastic halftime show. Jimmy Kimmel Live! responded to the ongoing “Deflategate” debate the best way possible: by enlisting Mass-bred celebs (Damon and Affleck, John Krasinski, Chris Evans, etc.) to take the fall for Tom Brady with full-on Bahhston accents. [ABC, Hollywood Reporter]

2. Zombie cat rises from the grave
Only in Florida. After he was hit by a car, an unresponsive, presumed-dead feline named Bart was buried in his backyard by his owner. A few days later, a neighbor spotted the li’l guy wandering around his property. After undergoing surgery at the Humane Society, Bart’s back in action—albeit sans his left eye. Bart’s been dubbed a zombie by the Internet thanks to his grave-clawing tendencies. If he is a harbinger of the undead takeover, the apocalypse is gonna be way cuter than advertised. [CNN]

3. Game of Thrones season five trailer debuts; Winds of Winter still not ready
Bad news first, Game of Thrones fans: The Winds of Winter, the perpetually unfinished sixth novel in George R.R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series, will not be coming out any time in 2015. Now the good news: The trailer for season five of HBO’s TV adaptation hit IMAX theaters this week, scored to a slo-mo version of David Bowie’s “Heroes,” and it looks delightfully grim. (We’re digging the beard, Tyrion.) [Vulture, Rolling Stone]

4. Comcast renames a customer “Asshole”
As if cable provider Comcast weren’t reviled quite enough, it has set out to make an even worse name for itself: After Ricardo Brown’s wife got into an argument with a customer-service rep about cancellation, bills started showing up at his house addressed to “Asshole Brown.” Yes, that ridiculous. The company has fessed up and done a mea culpa, but we have a funny feeling it still won’t let the poor Browns drop their service. [Wired]

5. Weatherman takes map glitch in stride
This is the kind of thing that can make you fall in love with local news. A Phoenix weatherman’s on-air map started showing absolutely crazy temperatures (2960 degrees in Cave Creek, 1270 in Ahwatukee), and the guy just rolled with it. Anchor Cory McCloskey calmly riffed, offering instructions for escaping the heat-death of Arizona: “Frankly, Wickenburg is a total loss. I’m not your dad, but I would get out while you still can.” Check out the video below. [Mashable]