1. Sony pulls The Interview from theaters after hacker threats; everyone says boo
It’s not that we were desperate to see what is likely a forgettable Seth Rogen/James Franco comedy; it’s that terror threats from totalitarian states should probably not adjudicate what does and doesn’t get seen in American cinemas. Everyone from Clooney to Obama has spoken out against Sony’s decision. Austin’s Alamo Drafthouse had the brilliantly subversive idea to screen equally North Korea mocker Team America instead, but Paramount put the kibosh on that as well. Dark days, Hollywood! [The Guardian, Deadline]

2. The Colbert Report ends in epic sing-along
After nine years on the air, Stephen Colbert (both the real guy and the character) bid farewell to his Comedy Central series in characteristically epic style. We’re talking conversations with Death and Santa Claus, and a star-studded send-off for the ages. With Randy Newman accompanying on the piano, Colbert sang a rousing rendition of “We’ll Meet Again” in chorus with a staggering group of famous faces. Bryan Cranston, Gloria Steinem, Patrick Stewart, Rod Stewart, Henry Kissinger, Pussy Riot, several Muppets…and that’s not even the tip of the iceberg. We’re not crying, YOU’RE crying. [EW.com]

3. Cards Against Humanity sells out of literal bullshit
In what is perhaps the most perfect metaphor for the emptiness of consumerism, the twisted minds behind Cards Against Humanity sold 30,000 boxes of actual cow poop on Black Friday for $6 a pop. Customers who ordered one-day-only “bullshit” on Friday received exactly what was advertised: a little black box of Texas-sourced bovine feces. The good news is that CAH donated all profits from the sale to hunger-fighting charity Heifer International; the bad news is that everyone is morons. [Gawker]

4. Navy builds robot sharks, is a Bond villain
The U.S. Navy is testing new remote-controlled swimming drones that look and move just like sharks—complete with dorsal fin. The terrifying abomination could be used for reconnaissance, surveillance and minesweeping. Its name? GhostSwimmer. Don’t mind us, we’ll just be over here, negotiating with Aquaman and his fish friends about allying with humanity in the anti-robot resistance.… [Wired]

5. Mom calls C-SPAN to scold bickering pundit brothers
Brothers Brad and Dallas Woodhouse were squaring off live on C-SPAN (Brad’s a Democrat, Dallas is a Republican), when their awesomely brassy mother’s voice came over the call-in line. She wasn’t there to talk politics, but to dress down her boys for always arguing. “I’m hoping that you’ll have some of this out of your system when you come here for Christmas,” she says. Can Mrs. Woodhouse be all of America’s mom? [Jezebel]