1. Who did Christmas better: Patrick Stewart, Shaq or Roomba dog?
If you were googling endearing seasonal videos on Christmas Eve this year, you had an embarrassment of riches to pick through. In case you missed them due to an eggnog coma, here are our picks for the highlights: Patrick Stewart wearing a dancing hat; NBA commentator Kenny Smith tackling Shaquille O’Neal into a Christmas tree; and a Boston terrier, dressed as Santa Claus, nonchalantly riding a Roomba. [EW.com, Washington Post, Jezebel]

2. Swine heads and the undead take over nativity scenes
Here’s an alternative take on “Away in a Manger” for you. Town officials in Cincinnati put the kibosh on one dude’s alterna-manger scene, which featured screaming skeleton Wise Men and a zombie baby Jesus, after pearl-clutching neighbors complained. Meanwhile, in Haverhill, Massachusetts, Sacred Hearts Church awoke on Christmas morning to find its Christ child replaced by a decapitated pig’s head. Police are reportedly on the hunt for the stolen fake messiah baby. [Buzzfeed, Gawker]

3. Squarespace employees re-create masterpieces with office supplies
Francesco Fragomeni and Chris Limbrick of Web startup Squarespace have been using their downtime at work to make an excellent lo-fi photo series. Shooting and editing on a smartphone and using random office stuff as props, the two have staged hilariously accurate photographic reenactments of great artworks from Vermeer’s “Girl With a Pearl Earring” to Picasso’s “The Old Guitarist.” We should all be such creative slackers. [Smithsonian]

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4. Argentine court grants personhood status to orangutan
Meet Sandra. She’s retiring, beloved and has lived at the Buenos Aires Zoo for two decades. Animal-rights lawyers hoping to get her out of her cage and into a Brazilian wildlife sanctuary successfully argued that Sandra is more “person” than “thing,” and therefore is entitled to basic rights. It’s awesome news for Sandra, and a landmark case for non-human living creatures everywhere. [BBC]

5. Jack Daniels names his son Jim Beam
Ah, love and alcohol. A Louisana man named Jack Daniels Leathers and his wife, Lydia, have christened their first son Jim Beam Leathers. Even better, their marriage was officiated by a judge named Johnny Walker. Here’s hoping they name the next kid Wild Turkey, if only because Wild Turkey Leathers would be the single most badass cowboy name of all time. [USA Today]