1. Back to the Future Part II is no longer the future
The future is now! Well, at least your ’80s childhood vision of it. The Back to the Future sequel saw Marty McFly time traveling to the far-distant year of … 2015! Appropriately, the Internet has gone crazy trying to figure out what did and didn’t come true from Robert Zemeckis’s vision of the tomorrow. What we do have: robots and eye scanners. What we don’t have: hoverboards and two-pronged neckties. Get on it, science. [Guardian]

2. Play-Doh accidentally sells dildo to children
Toymaker Hasbro has some heavy damage control to do after it was discovered that its “Cake Mountain” toy set contains a component that bears a striking resemblance to a dong. The item in question, which is meant to be used to ice a cake, really does look an awful lot like an erect penis. The replacement toy looks kind of like an alien tentacle banana. So we guess half a dozen of one…? [Jezebel]

3. Old-timey Mars rover suffering from robot dementia
Ten years on the Red Planet will do funny things to anyone, uh, anything. The Opportunity rover has spent the last decade transmitting information from the surface of Mars, and it’s starting to crap out. Specifically, losing memory and getting lost. NASA scientists are calling it “amnesia,” but think they can fix the problem. Hang in there, old fella. [Smithsonian]

4. Happy New Year from Bob’s Burgers
How’s that hangover treatin’ ya? We’re still sleeping off our 2014-into-2015 revelry (and working on getting that goat out of the bathroom). In case you missed it, the Belcher kids of Bob’s Burgers showed up to wish you a night full of revelry in this little video, which celebrates staying up till the wee hours. [YouTube]

5. Boozy birds sing like the Pogues
At Oregon Health and Science University, some scientists with a lot of time and a lot of vodka on their hands decided to see what happened when they fed an alcohol solution to a bunch of zebra finches. The result? Birds whose song gets noticeably wavier and slurrier than usual. Go home, zebra finch. You’re wasted. [Smithsonian]