1. The Simpsons spoofed the ongoing horror of the primaries.
Matt Groening & Co. are suffering every bit as much from primary fatigue as the rest of America. (How many freaking debates can the GOP have?!) Marge Simpson spoke for all of us in a recent episode of The Simpsons (yes, it’s still running). Exhausted by the constant political infighting, Our Lady of the Blue Hair has a dream in which the Repubs and Dems sing “How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved by You)” before getting in a knock-down, drag-out fight. We’re glad somebody pointed out that Marco Rubio is secretly a broken robot.
2. A “gorilla” wreaked havoc on the International Space Station.
We already knew that astronaut Scott Kelly, who holds the NASA record for longest time in orbit on a single mission, was awesome. But he outdid himself this week when he donned a full-body gorilla costume and chased one of his fellow astronauts through the International Space Station, which is just as sublime as you would imagine a zero-G gorilla chase to be. The occasion? After almost a year in space, Kelly is set to return to Earth next week. But the real question is: How the hell did a gorilla suit end up in outer space?
3. Donate your saddest crap to the Museum of Broken Relationships.
It isn’t quite an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind solution, but it’ll do in a pinch. Los Angeles will soon be the site of the Museum of Broken Relationships, which originally opened in Croatia and was started by a pair of artists, Olinka Vištica and Dražen Grubišić, who also happen to be exes. Now, the lonelyhearts of L.A. can donate relics from their own broken relationships to the new museum. In Croatia, items ranged from a lock of hair to a giant pair of plaster boobs. Come for the heartbreak; stay for the schadenfreude.
4. Two guys do insane parkour, Super Mario-style.
Honestly, it doesn’t even matter which castle the princess is in. Two masterful parkour enthusiasts donned Mario and Luigi costumes (complete with ludicrous mustaches) and leapt and flipped around a park. But real key was the post-production, in which Dark Pixel added CGI coins, goombas, lakes of fire and plenty of Nintendo sound effects. If any video game was going to come to life, we’re glad it was Super Mario Bros. and not, you know, Grand Theft Auto.
5. A unicorn went on the lam in Northern California.
“But unicorns aren’t real!” you say? Hate to break it to you, but they totally are. Well, okay, no they’re not. But they are. In Madera, California, this week, a white pony with a unicorn horn strapped to its head escaped from a children’s birthday party—not once, but twice. The first time, it was caught pretty quickly. But the second time, the unicorn made it as far as a major roadway, running in and out of traffic, and it took the police several hours and a helicopter to recapture the mythical creature. We’re just glad Lord Voldemort didn’t catch it first and drink its sparkly blood, you know?