1. Trump got attacked by a bald eagle that speaks for all of us.
Calcified mound of raw sewage runoff Donald Trump flew even further beyond the bounds of human decency this week than we even thought possible, and the non-awful portion of the world responded with suitable disgust. But perhaps no one has so elegantly encapsulated our collective loathing than a bald eagle named—yes—Uncle Sam. In a photo shoot for TIME earlier this year, Trump posed with the bird and, boy, did they not get along. The magazine cheekily released footage of the shoot, in which the literal symbol of America lashed out at Trump, snapping at his terrible hair and nearly pecking his hand off. And it is so, so cathartic to watch.
2. X-Men and Serial are both back.
Some sequels, we really, seriously never need (lookin’ at you, Terminator Genisys), but others we’re always happy to see back in the game. This week, the ones that’ll be on everyone’s minds (well, the parts of their minds that aren’t obsessing about Star Wars): The epic trailer for X-Men: Apocalypse, which includes young versions of badasses like Jean Grey and Cyclops, and lots of cool stuff shooting out of stuff, and Serial, the Sarah Koenig’s wildly successful investigative podcast. This time, she’s leaving the Adnan Sayed case behind to focus on the mystery of a soldier who may or may not have gone AWOL and got captured by the Taliban.
3. Orangutans love magic tricks.
We’re sorry to report that no matter how fantastic a week you may have had, you’ll never experience as much joy as this orangutan at a zoo in Barcelona. A video surfaced this week of a visitor performing a basic magic trick (making a thing “disappear” from a cup) while an ape watches intently from his enclosure. At the moment of the reveal, the big guy cracks up laughing harder than your drunk uncle after a bowl of spiked ‘nog. It’s a beautiful thing.
4. Martin Shkreli is still a huge dick.
Remember this guy? The ratty-looking pharmaceutical CEO who tried to charge $750 per pill to AIDS patients? Unsurprisingly, he’s made another douchetacular move—less life-threatening this time, but still gross. Shkreli dropped $2 million on the only copy of Once Upon a Time in Shaolin, Wu-Tang Clan’s one-of-a-kind, one-copy-only album—and he’s not even actually a fan. “If there is a curious gap in your favorite artist’s discography, well, now you know why,” he obnoxiously tweeted when the sale went through. What a DICK.
5. Downton Abbey actors perform with American accents, and it’s weird.
TV scientists have long been trying to figure out just why the heck Americans love a show as thoroughly, blue-bloodedly British as Downton Abbey. Stephen Colbert wondered if it might have to do with the English accents; so when three of the cast members (Michelle “Lady Mary” Dockery, Hugh “Estate Owner” Bonneville and Allen “Sexy Chauffeur” Leech) appeared on The Late Show, he had them try performing a scene in their most crass, unpolished American dialect. The results are predictably hilarious—and slightly unsettling.