1. The world’s first shark sonogram is adorable/terrifying.
Ever wondered what unborn baby monsters look like? In honor of Shark Week, Discovery released footage of a sonogram administered to a tiger shark by University of New England scientists. In case you harbored any illusions about fetal sharks being any less terrifying than their adult counterparts, allow us to liberate you of them: They are so scary. But also kind of cute? The 20-plus shark “pups” inside Emily the tiger shark’s womb are already armed with one million teeth and the creepy dead eyes of murderers. Mazel tov, Emily!
2. Survivor charged Mike Huckabee $25K for misusing “Eye of the Tiger.”
Newsflash, haters: You don’t get to use the ’80’s preeminent pump-up anthem for intolerant ends. Last year, former GOP candidate/current jerkface Mike Huckabee played “Eye of the Tiger” at a rally for Kim Davis, the county clerk who refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples. (What exactly was the challenge of your rival, Kim? True love…?) Survivor, bless them, wasn’t having it. They sued Huckabee, who hadn’t paid for the rights to the song, and the candidate dropped $25,000 on an out-of-court settlement. That’ll teach you to mess with the last known survivor, bigots.
3. A parrot may be used as a witness in a murder trial.
In 2015, Michigan resident Martin Duram was murdered at gunpoint, and his wife, Glenna, stands accused. Among the evidence: The repeated words of Duram’s pet African grey parrot, Bud, who keeps repeating the phrase “Don’t fucking shoot!” ever since his owner’s death. Crazily enough, this isn’t even the first time a parrot’s testimony has been used in court: In 1993, Max the parrot’s repeated cries of “No, Richard, no, no, no!” helped to finger the killer of his owner. Move over, dogs—there may be a new candidate for man’s best friend.
4. A new perfume will make you smell like comet dust.
Like Carl Sagan says, we’re all made of star stuff—and now you can smell like it, too. But be warned: It isn’t exactly alluring. When the Rosetta mission sent the Philae lander to the surface of the comet 67P/Churyumov–Gerasimenko in 2014, they were able to figure out the chemical makeup of its atmosphere, including hydrogen sulphide, ammonia and hydrogen cyanide. The odors those most resemble? Rotten eggs, almonds and cat piss. Nonetheless, the Aroma Company has developed an eau de perfume meant to make you smell just like 67-P, which they’ll hand out at the Royal Society’s summer exhibition. One scientist said the resulting aroma reminded him of lilies, but we don’t buy it.
5. An anti-paparazzi scarf makes the wearer invisible in flash photographs.
Aside from eternal youth, there’s a new way for celebrities to mimic vampires: by not showing up on film. New Dehlian Saif Siddiqui has invented the ISHU scarf, an accessory that serves the dual purpose of being fashionable and making you unphotographable. The scarf’s fabric contains nano-spherical crystals that, when photographed, reflect light back into the lens and black out everything else around it. A-listers including Paris Hilton, Joe Jonas and Cameron Diaz have been spotted wearing the ISHU, which is basically the tabloid-proof version of Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak.