1. David Bowie released an epic, unsettling “Blackstar” video.
Ziggy Stardust…er, Aladdin Sane…er, the Thin White Duke…has reinvented himself yet again in “★” (pronounced “Blackstar”), a 10-minute-long opus that’s as freaky as it is cool. The music video seems to portray some kind of cult ritual on another planet, complete with the skull of an astronaut, blindfolded scarecrow people, a lady with a rodent tail, and Bowie himself in charismatic leader mode. We’re not exactly sure what it’s all about, but David Bowie is our god now. We shall have no other gods before him.

2. A two-legged puppy in a wheelchair is the cutest thing in creation.
If you ever feel held back by personal limitations, take a page out of this lil’ guy’s book. A six-week-old terrier/beagle mix named Tumbles (awww!) was born without front legs, but no way does he let that get him down. Friends of the Shelter Dogs in Athens, Ohio, have hooked Tumbles up with a tiny puppy wheelchair (awww!), custom-designed on a 3-D printer, that will allow him to move around more freely—once he gets the hang out of it, that is.

3. There is a Walking Dead theme-park ride in the works.
There are plenty of TV-show worlds we’d like to live inside in (Pawnee, Indiana springs to mind), but the grim, survivalist, rotting-corpses universe of The Walking Dead definitely isn’t one of them. That hasn’t stopped ride design company Sally Corporation from building an interactive attraction based on the show, which it debuted at the Association of Amusement Parks and Attractions expo this week. The thing is still mostly hush-hush, but it features animatronic zombies and creepy projections. It’s…a small world…after…OH DEAR GOD, RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIVES.

4. The second-largest diamond of all time was unearthed in Botswana.
Talk about a rock. Miners at Lucara Diamond’s Karowe Mine in Botswana dug out a 1,111-carat behemoth this week—the second-biggest diamond in the world and the craziest diamond find in more than 100 years. It still doesn’t surpass the Cullinan diamond, a 3,106-carat monster which was found in 1905. Pieces of it are part of the British Crown Jewels these days. No word on what fate will befall this new diamond, but a mining analyst has been quoted as saying that is has “the potential to be one very expensive diamond.” Um…can we become mining analysts? ’Cause we’re pretty sure we could’ve figured that one out ourselves.

5. LAX is creating a celebrities-only terminal.
Hey! Here’s some fresh fuel for the class war fires. LAX commissioners have approved a plan to build a very-rich-and-special-people-only terminal so that celebrities and diplomats can avoid paparazzi, protesters and all that grime on your unwashed hands, you filthy peasant. The price of use? $1,500 to $1,800 per trip—chump change for the one percent. How soon before Trump sticks his name on this? Excuse us, we have to go vomit disgustedly into a bucket over this for a little while.