1. Homer and Marge Simpson to call it quits…maybe
The fat guy with the Duff habit and the blue-haired lady with the raspy voice may just be TV’s most enduring couple, having survived everything from their infant committing murder to their town being placed under a giant dome. But Simpsons executive producer Al Jean broke the majority of American hearts yesterday when he revealed in an interview that after 27 years, Homer and Marge would be getting legally separated in the next season. And not only that, but Homer would fall for a pharmacist voiced by Lena Dunham. But all may not be lost: The Simpsons backpedaled with a Twitter photo of Bart scrawling “Homer and Marge are not breaking up” across the iconic blackboard. Whatever’s happening, we really hope those crazy kids can work it out. [CNN]

2. Astronauts return to Earth after 199 days in orbit
We have splashdown! Er…grasslands-down. Astronauts Terry Virts, Samantha Cristoforetti and Anton Shkaplerov (from the U.S., Italy and Russia, respectively) landed in Kazakhstan on Thursday after a record-smashing 199 days in space. The trio had been stationed aboard the International Space Station, where Cristoforetti in particular became something of an Internet celebrity for posting photos and videos of herself drinking space espresso, cosplaying Star Trek and making space tacos. Welcome back planetside, guys! [The Guardian] [NPR]

3. New James Bond trailer is predictably badass, sexy
We’ve been pretty pumped about the prospect of the next Bond movie after 2012’s excellent Skyfall. The first trailer for Spectre, out in November, has the high degree of kickass and broodiness that we’ve come to expect from Daniel Craig’s 007. We’re talking a flaming car chase, a skiing airplane and James whispering, “Bond. James Bond” directly into actress Stephanie Sigman’s mouth. Oh, and Christoph Waltz’s creepy voiceover. Can’t go wrong with some sinister Christoph Waltz. Check out the trailer below. [Mic]

4. Gandalf and Dumbledore tie the knot
It’s not all bad news for pop-culture romance this week. In Topeka, Kansas, Planting Peace’s Equality House held a wedding for literature’s two most beloved all-powerful wizards (with Frodo Baggins as ring bearer, natch). The House just so happens to be across the street from the headquarters of the infamously bigoted Westboro Baptist Church, who lashed out at J.K. Rowling this week on Twitter. The Harry Potter author, elated over Ireland’s legalization of gay marriage, tweeted a meme suggesting that Dumbledore and Gandalf get hitched. The WBC wrote back that they’d picket, and Planting Piece retaliated in the most adorable way possible. Mazel tov, boys! [Huffington Post]

5. Master swordsman and ninja robot face off
No, but for real. Iaijutsu master Isao Machii, who holds five world records for slicing stuff really fast with a katana, taught a robotic arm a few of his moves. And man, the thing learned quick. The Yaskawa Electric robo-limb learned to replicate Machii’s movements for the Yaskawa Bushido Project, which was created to demonstrate the possibilities of the company’s robotics. In the below video, Machii and his A.I. frenemy go head-to-head in a Fruit Ninja-esque contest with rounds that include slicing off the tops of apples and something you need to see to believe called “The Thousand Cuts.” A few decades from now, after civilization has fallen to our new mechanical overlords, some Japanese engineer is gonna be shaking his head going, “Why did we think it was a good idea to teach the robots how to be samurais again?” [Gizmodo]