1. Ashley Madison hacked, millions of cheaters in hot water
In what is perhaps the most obvious “We told you so” in Internet history, for-adulterers-only dating website Ashley Madison was hacked by a group called the Impact Team. The breachers have threatened to release private user information if the site isn’t shut down. We smell angry spouses. So far, the site’s still up—but let it be known that 37 million cuckholders are currently quietly shaking in their boots. Stay tuned. [Slate]

2. NASA discovers new Earth 1,400 light years away
In its trawling of the stars and their orbiting bodies, NASA’s Kepler telescope has discovered plenty of potentially Earth-esque planets over the years; but none has come so close as Kepler-452b, a distant world that’s earned the nickname “Earth 2.0.” Though scientists don’t yet know what the orb is made of, it’s in firmly in the habitable zone of its star, has an atmosphere of some kind and is about 60% larger than our big blue ball. So don’t pack for a trip just yet, but it is pretty exciting news. [BBC]

3. Converse updates Chuck Taylor design after 98 years
They’re arguably the most iconic shoes in America (shut up, cowboy boots) – the Chuck high-top, with its throwback circular logo and old-timey lack of arch support. But Converse (and its Nike overlords) have decided to mess with a classic, unveiling a new design that features foamy bottoms, a suede liner and an updated outer logo. Oh, and the new model will cost $15 more a pair than the old ones, jacking the price of high-tops up to $75. Arch support, smarch support; we want our old, cheap, funky Chucks back. And besides, if they were good enough for Kurt Cobain and the Tenth Doctor, they’re good enough for us. [Gizmodo]

4. Winner of French Scrabble competition doesn’t speak French
Meet Nigel Richards: New Zealander, lexophile, and winner of pretty much every Scrabble competition under the sun. His latest title is winner of the French-language Scrabble Word Championships, but here’s the thing: The guy doesn’t speak a lick of French. Richards simply learned as many French words as he could, entirely sans context. And it’s no mean feat: French Scrabble uses 386,000 words, as opposed to English Scrabble’s paltry 187,000. That is quite a skill, Mr. Richards. And also quite a beard. [NPR]

5. Water balloon explodes in slow motion with guy inside
That’s one way to spend a summer afternoon. Two dudes who call themselves the Slo Mo Guys have recorded satisfyingly weird slow-motion footage of everything from detonating Molotov cocktails to bullets shot underwater. Their latest venture? One of the duo, Daniel Gruchy, climbed inside a giant balloon, filled it with water, and then let it explode all around him. “It’s like you’re a human-sized womb,” his partner in crime remarks off-camera. All we know is, this is some strange-looking shit in slow motion. [Gizmodo]