1. There’s a scale model of the solar system in a Nevada desert.
Ever seen those little solar system mobiles that show all the planets drifting in a tight orbit around a cute little sun? Yeah, turns out those are bullshit. Wylie Overstreet and Alex Gorosh, a couple of outer-space-loving guys with a truck and a lot of time on their hands, drove to a deserted stretch of Nevada and built a seven-mile-wide model of the orbits of the planets, built to exact scale. The effect, when viewed from the top of a nearby mountain, puts the hugeness of our star system in perspective like you’ve never seen. Also, tiny marble Earth is so cute!

2. Colbert sends up celebrity lifestyle brands.
Stephen Colbert’s much-anticipated Late Show is off to a rollicking start. His latest target: Movie stars’ ridiculous lifestyle brands, like Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop and Reese Witherspoon’s Draper James. Colbert decided to fake-launch his very own, Covetton House, in a segment that features a barefoot Stephen blowing out a parmesan-absinthe candle and skipping through the grass dressed like “The Great Gatsby just threw up” on him. Where do we sign up?

3. Artisanal weed salmon comes to Denver.
It was inevitable the moment Colorado legalized marijuana: elevated edibles, made by fancy chefs. The latest is cannabis-infused lox, from Denver joint Rosenberg’s Bagels and Delicatessen. Owner Josh Pollack cures his salmon with normal stuff like salt, lemon and dill, but then adds some, y’know, THC to get you wicked stoned. Talk about waking and baking.

4. Vampire squirrels are real, maybe.
Take heart, cryptozoologists! The Bornean tufted ground squirrel is a species never before caught on film that supposedly leaps on deer from treetops and…umm…devours their organs. Naturally, people call it the vampire squirrel. Whether or not the grisly deer corpses sometimes found in the jungles of Borneo were its prey or not, one of these creepy little guys was finally captured on camera, sniffing around. And between its giant tufted tail and creepy bat ears, this thing is more terrifying than you would probably ever imagine a squirrel to be. Hide your deer.

5. Jeopardy! contestant sneaks “Turd Ferguson” into Final Jeopardy!
The snake has officially devoured its own tail. On Jeopardy! this week, a sassy contestant took the opportunity to sneak a reference to SNL‘s “Celebrity Jeopardy!” segment into the real thing. When Talia Lavin didn’t know the Final Jeopardy! answer, she wrote in “The Ballad of Turd Ferguson,” the moniker that Daryl Hammond’s Burt Reynolds used to troll Will Ferrell’s Alex Trebek on a classic ’90s SNL sketch. Actual Alex Trebek didn’t seem to get the joke—which is so like Trebek.