1. Shia LaBeouf watched every Shia LaBeouf movie.
What’s even more of a self-devouring snake than Shia LaBeouf watching Shia LaBeouf? Watching Shia LaBeouf watch Shia LaBeouf. The famously volatile actor/Sia collaborator pulled the ultimate act of public self-regard this week when he sat through a marathon screening of every movie he’d ever acted, from the ugly (Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen) to the uglier (Transformers: Dark of the Moon). He screened them all at New York’s Angelika Film Center in an event open to the public, and live-streamed his reactions. Unsurprisingly, he hated Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull just as much as the rest of America did. The Even Stevens Movie, on the other hand, was apparently comedy gold.

2. Otto the skateboarding dog broke a world record and stole hearts.
Thursday was Guinness World Record Day, so weirdos were out in force attempting to do all sorts of crazy crap. A guy in Delhi held 15 lit candles in his mouth, and a Japanese man ran 100 meters on all fours. But this year’s hero is doubtless Otto, a bulldog from Lima who skateboarded through a 30-person-deep tunnel of human legs. And man, this lil’ guy can really shred. Not only does he start the skateboard himself, he even kicks down his paw to get more speed partway through. If anyone knows this dog, can you give him a high five from us?

3. David Hasselhoff is now just David Hoff.
In the most inexplicable act of celebrity nomenclature since Snoop Dog declared himself Snoop Lion, David “The Hoff” Hasselhoff has decided to change his name to David “The Hoff”…Hoff. Hmmm. “I’ve been wanting to drop the Hassel from my life for years,” Hasselhoff (er, Hoff) says in a short video, in which he proudly holds up a name-change certificate. Even IMDB has jumped on it. Can’t we just keep calling him “Snapper”?

4. Whiskey and coffee detritus could clean up radioactive waste.
Don’t toss those used coffee grounds in the garbage just yet. Experts at Scotland’s Environmental Research Institute are proposing that organic materials like grounds, whiskey grains and seaweed could be used to absorb radioactive isotopes in nuclear waste. It would be a cheaper and more environmentally friendly option than what’s being used these days, like water and artificial materials. But what are the odds someone finds those glowing green grounds and brew themselves a cup of mutation-causing joe? Then we’ve got a new super villain on our hands, and still have radioactive waste to deal with.

5. Death Star appears on a suburban California rooftop.
As Star Wars fever continues to rise, so too do the fans making grand gestures. The latest: Lafayette, California’s Colby Powell, who made a DIY Death Star out of parachutes and electrical conduit. The thing, currently sitting on top of his house, is a whopping two stories high and required the help of both Powell’s kids and random passersby who wanted to join in on the weaponized planet-building. How long before a tiny X-Wing flies into that thing and blows up the guy’s whole house?