1. Space espresso is officially a thing
The International Space Station just got a little bit buzzier. Last month, a SpaceX cargo ship delivered the solar system’s first outer-space espresso machine to pump up the heart rates of astronauts in orbit; it came complete with packets of Lavazza and a nifty-looking zero-G espresso cup. Earlier this week, Italian astronaut Sam Cristoforetti tweeted a photo of herself indulging in a shot of the dark stuff in the coolest way possible: with the Earth framed behind her in an overhead window, while dressed as coffee-loving Star Trek: Voyager helmswoman Captain Janeway. That’s a win all around, we think. [NPR]

2. Key & Peele sing and dance about the race divide
It’s funny ’cause it’s terrifying. Comedy duo Key & Peele dropped a sketch that imagines a place called Negrotown, a Technicolor paradise where African Americans don’t have to deal with police brutality and other terrible racist bullshit. Like the greatest satire, the vid is simultaneously bright and fun and deadly serious. And yes, the song will get stuck in your head for days. [Mic] 

3. Wormhole appears in Oregon lake
Just call it God’s bathtub. Each year around this time, Lost Lake, a body of water in Oregon’s Willamette National Forest, literally vanishes. Water drains through a lava tube into the ground, emptying the entire lake in a spectacle that looks like something out of a ’70s sci-fi movie. The lake isn’t dry for long—throughout the summer, snowmelt from the surrounding mountains replenishes the supply. But where all that H2O ends up is something of a mystery. We’re gonna go with giant swimming pool for the lizard people that surely dwell beneath the surface of the Earth. [Washington Post]

4. Woman discovers cocaine in her granola bar
San Antonio resident Cynthia Rodriguez found the grown-up equivalent of a toy surprise inside a Nature Valley granola bar—a tiny satchel of high-grade cocaine, emblazoned with images of money bags. Thinking it was a prize, Rodriguez called the company, who was dumbfounded. She tried the police next, who tested the powder and figured out what it was. How the little bag of blow ended up sharing a package with the granola is still anyone’s guess. And to think, it wasn’t even an energy bar. [Gawker] 

5. Thomas Edison’s horrifying dolls break 135-year silence
Not everything the Wizard of Menlo Park did was as awesome as electricity. In addition to that time he zapped an elephant to death for fun, Edison is responsible for creating the creepiest dolls of all time. The Edison Talking Dolls were designed to recite nursery rhymes recorded on a tiny wax cylinder inside. A pair of Edison-ophiles finally figured out a way to play the recordings without breaking the fragile devices, and my God, it puts Chucky to shame as far as terror dolls are concerned. We dare you to turn the lights off and listen to this scream-y ghost recitation of “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep.” [NY Times]