1. McDonald’s launches Big Mac fashion line in Sweden
Do you have so much disdain for your body that you want to fill it with crap both inside and out? McDonald’s, as ever, is here for you. The fast-food juggernaut has created a line of Big Mac-printed everything: shirts, rain boots, blankets, dog jackets, all emblazoned with images of the brand’s signature crappy burger. You can buy this junk online if you’re so inclined, which was launched at a fashion show in Stockholm earlier this week—giving a whole new dimension to the definition of Stockholm syndrome. [Ad Week]

2. The X-Files officially making a comeback
First Twin Peaks, and now this—it’s a good time to be alive and a fan of cult ’90s television. After more than a decade out of their dark suits, Agents Mulder (David Duchovny) and Scully (Gillian Anderson) are returning to the world of broody paranormal investigation. Fox is bringing the gang back for a six-episode miniseries that will begin filming this summer. Perhaps the cutest part about this whole thing is a Twitter exchange: “Mulder, it’s me. Are you ready?” Anderson wrote, to which Duchovny replied: “I’m ready G woman.” We still want to believe. [Vulture]

3. Drunken pig steals beer, headbutts bar patrons
Vietnamese potbelly pig Frances Bacon has become a fixture at London pub Conquering Hero, which is run by her owners. But she’s proved to be an ornery drunk, stealing sips from pint glasses, eating bar snacks (including pork rinds!) and tipsily ramming her head into customers’ legs. Consequently, Francis’s humans have had to lock up the bar food and warn customers to stop giving her drinks from their glasses. Some micropigs just can’t hold their liquor… [Daily Mail]

4. This week in talk shows: Will Ferrell’s cockatoo and Jimmy Fallon’s doppelgängers
It’s been a prime week for absurd humor on late-night TV this week. First Will Ferrell showed up on Conan to promote his new movie with an unexplained live parrot on his shoulder, who is apparently named Professor Feathers and does not like to have attention drawn to him. “I told him this would be low key, and now you’ve made it weird!” Ferrell shouted when O’Brien pointed out the bird’s existence. But the stunt may have been outdone by Jimmy Fallon, who performed multi-part harmony of the Beach Boys’ “Barbara Ann” with five wax dummies of himself. [The Week] [Huffington Post]

5. Longest American manned space mission begins
Today, seasoned astronaut Scott J. Kelly will head into orbit in the company of two Russian cosmonauts, for a mission to the International Space Station that will last for a full year. It will mark the longest span of time a NASA astronaut has ever spent continually in space. Scientists on the ground will monitor his health and compare it to Kelly’s twin brother, Mark, to see how long-term stays in zero-G affect the human body. It marks big step on the path for eventually sending human beings to Mars. Good luck up there, Mr. Kelly. [NY Times]