Like so many great minds before him, Tesla CEO Elon Musk is a problem-solver. He’s already tackled the issue of coolness with respect to electric cars, and his latest invention, a life-sized battery pack called Powerwall, actually solves two problems: how to continue binge-watching Walking Dead during an extended power outage and how to dress up the bare wall in your foyer with a functional and fetching work of art. And, I suppose, heat your home.
But unless you’re already rocking solar panels on your roof or happen to have a few grand burning a hole in your pocket, it’s going to be an awfully long time before Powerwalls are hanging in your home.
In the meantime, there are several other life’s little annoyances we’d like to see Mr. Musk eliminate…
If he can figure out a way to get an electric car to go from 0 to 60 in 3.1 seconds, he can certainly develop a less painful, more efficient way to deliver a child.
OK, we’ll admit it: We secretly hate the guy on our block with the meticulously manicured lawn and perfectly pruned petunias. Every spring we have grand visions of getting out yard in tip-top shape, but by the time June rolls around our best-laid plans give way to dandelions, crabgrass and aphids. So, we wouldn’t mind a little Musk-level help in this department. We’re thinking of self-nourishing seeds, ever-moist dirt and grass that’s smart enough to stop growing when it reaches a specified height. Or maybe just a super set of gloves that can tell the difference between weeds and plants.
Musk has already transformed the conventional automobile into a futuristic, fossil fuel-free joy ride, but we’d sure like it if he could work his magic on the world outside of it. Driving to work each morning is often an exercise in futility, and no matter how luxurious the inside of a Tesla Model S may be, sitting for an hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic each morning leaves quite a bit to be desired. But we’re certain Musk could envision new patterns, better on-ramps and a whole lot less merging. And we’d really like to see what he does with those godforsaken rotaries.
Keeping people awake at their desks has become something of a cottage industry, with a bevy of energy drinks, bars and shots giving us a quick boost every five hours or so. But if Musk can develop a battery that attaches to our walls and supplies enough juice to power our entire homes, he can surely build a Powerskin patch that contains enough energy to keep us going throughout the day. And if it’s also smart enough to deliver a zap just before that long Friday afternoon meeting, that would be just grand.
After every cleaning it’s the same story: Our dentists tells us we need to floss more, we promise we will, and then we break our promise long before the first roll has run out. It’s not that we don’t want to keep our teeth clean, it’s that flossing sucks. So we’d like Musk to help us out. We already have electric toothbrushes, so perhaps an electric flossing machine would be the answer. Or a special gum-cleaning gum. Or a laser.
If there’s any industry that’s ripe for disruption, it’s this one. Granted, most men will never understand the taking-your-bottom-lip-and-stretching-it-behind-your-head pain of child birth, but we can all relate to the general agony: the fear, the waiting, the nervousness, the sleeplessness, the waiting, the sweat, the tears, and all that damn waiting. Quite frankly, just watching our significant others suffer this ordeal makes us perfectly happy to never have to go through it, but we’d gladly back a plan that lightens their load a bit. After all, if he can figure out a way to get an electric car to go from 0 to 60 in 3.1 seconds, he can certainly develop a less painful, more efficient way to deliver a child. And while he’s at it, maybe Musk can devise a way to make sure they’re out of the house in 18 years?