Yes, a strip club is a place where you can let loose. Alcohol, music, and most importantly, scantily-clad young ladies in cheap perfume create an atmosphere of total debaucherous behavior…within limits, of course. Believe it or not,  there is a certain etiquette one must follow when they patronize strip clubs. Failure to follow this etiquette is the quickest way to get thrown out on your head and banned from your favorite nudie bar. If you follow the rules, a strip club can be quite enjoyable and a decent, if high-priced, substitute for having your own sexual escape at home. These five tips for strip club etiquette are a must-read before you go.

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Don’t go broke. If you don’t have any money, stay home and look at porn. Seriously. You can’t have fun at a strip club without a little bread. Actually, you won’t get any attention at a strip club without any bread. Cracking your piggy bank open isn’t acceptable, either. You need to have a decent amount of paper you don’t mind losing when you walk into a strip club. If not, don’t go.

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Alcohol consumption. If you live in states where alcohol isn’t served in strip clubs, then you’re unlucky, and this doesn’t apply to you. For everyone else, you need to follow these simple rules. First of all, you need to drink something. Don’t be the dork without a drink because you won’t get any attention from the strippers that way. You’ll look like you have no money. Secondly, don’t drink so much that you do stupid stuff around the naked ladies like touching them without permission. You’ll get tossed.

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Tipping. There’s nothing wrong with tipping strippers, but you shouldn’t trickle off your entire paycheck. Take about twenty to thirty bucks in singles with you. You can use these to tip the strippers that perform on the main stage if you wish. Tipping your server is also recommended. Remember, don’t break the bank on tipping, or you won’t have any money left for a private dance. Just tip enough so the strippers know you’re there. They’ll begin to flock like vultures to a carcass, allowing you to pick which one or two or three you want for private dances.

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Be polite, but not stupid. Strippers will approach you all night, especially if you look like you’re spending money. It’s their job. They’ll spark meaningless conversations in attempts to get you to spend money on them, i.e. private dances. If you don’t want that particular stripper, be polite with the rejection. She’s not going to care very much, and you’ll see her move on to the next sucker. Also, you don’t have to tip every girl that comes by just because she comes by. You’re not an ATM, so don’t pretend to be.

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Private dances. If and when you do choose a stripper for some one-on-one action, simply follow her to the private dance area. This is very important: one wrong move, and you’ll get your ass kicked. Do not touch the stripper unless she allows you to do so. If she feels uncomfortable in any way, you can be manhandled and thrown out, so always be mindful of her by following her lead. The more money you spend, the more likely she’ll allow you to go further. But as stated earlier, you’re not an ATM, nor are you trying to pay her way through school.