Like many Americans, I’ve lost some money over the last month in the market.  Unlike others, I plan to make it back quickly using unusual but possibly profitable ways.  Here of a few ideas that I’ve been mulling over

1. Writing Pay Per Post Positive Sarah Palin Articles.   Since there are presently no positive stories about Sarah Palin, I could possibly work out a deal where I write postive stories and post them all over the internet for all to see.  Articles like “Sarah Palin is Very Smart” and “Sarah Palin is Very Honest” should really swing the sentiment.  I can work out a deal that she will pay me for each post written.  If any of these positive Sara Palin articles make it to the top of Digg she says she will pay me a million dollars.

2. Selling Used Golf Balls.   Nobody can afford new golf balls in this economy. Who in their right mind is going to spend $3 a piece for a new Pro V?  I plan to capitalize on this and start my used golf ball business.  I have purchased the Amazing Octagon on the internets.  You throw it in and reel in the golf balls by the millions (that’s what the ad said) .  I have to admit my first day was not very successful but I have decided that starting my hunt at 2 pm during the homebuilders Annual Best Shot Scramble is not the time for best results.  The thing makes a bit more noise than anticipated during the “throw it in the lake” portion of the directions.  I still see riches ahead

3.  Introducing the “I’m Broke Lend Me a Dollar” App for Facebook    Just like the real banks I have no plans on paying any of the money back but I figure I can write an application that explains how I’m broke and I need a dollar. I’ll write a sad story of how messed up the system is and how the banks ripped me off and everyone will be piling on top of each other to help me out “virtually”.   Of course they won’t be giving me a real dollar but the app will cost $1.50 to use.

4.  The Car Wash.  Every high school club has a weekend car wash to raise money but I’m going old school with young girls in bikinis and provacative signs.  You know, a “Put ‘em against the glass”  kind of car wash.  This sign and the girls should keep the business brisk

5. Become a Marijuana Hybridizer in California.  I already hybridize plants for a living so why not move my talents into the most profitable plant in California?  I know the key target points, big buds, big high.  Enough crosses and I’m sure I can come up with a great variety.  I’m not really sure of the legality of it but this crisis has given me a ton of anxiety and I think I can get a prescription for that in California.