Hipsters are a rare breed and hipster styles are even more rarer-er (it’s a new word you’ve probably never heard of). But amid all the irony and fake eyewear there are occasionally really cool fashions men should wear. Unfortunately, there are many more men should not.
Look down. Do you have a set of balls? If the answer is yes then you should never ever wear a pair of tights in public. Sure the compression makes your junk look great but no amount of junk-look-goodage is worth the forever shame you will bear after rocking tights in public.
If movies have taught us anything it’s that glasses are for scientists, British people, and librarians. Two of those are things you don’t want to be (librarians are awesome). The only thing worse than being born without the ability to see boobs clearly with your own two eyes is faking like you need glasses in some lame attempt to look cool. This is made even worse when an attractive woman tries on your glasses only to say “I hate men who are liars and I will now never have sex with you.” Seriously, that’s exactly what she’ll say.
Guys allowed to wear moustaches: Zeppelin pilots, WWII heroes, Burt Reynolds, charity facial hair participants.
Guys not allowed to wear moustaches: Everyone else.
Deep V-Neck Tees
There is a case to be made for the v-neck shirt. It’s subtle collar changes the way a man looks more than any crew neck could ever hope to achieve. That being said a v-neck should never go deeper than an inch below your collar bone, and especially never deeper than your nipples. Never forget that your clothing is also your armor and any moderately trained ninja could easily sink a throwing star into your exposed chest bone. V-necks are dangerous.
You just read the thing about tights above right? Well, the same applies to jeans.
If one were to tap a hipster and extract its core beliefs, the liquid that came forth would be “essence of irony.” When dressing like a hipster, make sure you actually like the clothes you’re wearing. There is nothing cool about not liking the way you’re dressed. Unless you’re trying to impress a hipster, in which case you can’t be saved.