Sometimes, you’re having such an awesome time during sex that you need to resort to horrific thoughts to help you delay orgasm. You don’t want to go too far, to the “point of no return,” because then the party is over. She’s looking up at you all disappointed because your promises of impressive stamina turned out to be figments of your own imagination. Later on, she’ll tell her girlfriends about the time she slept with the “Minute Man.” That’s you, slick guy. It doesn’t have to end this way. It may not be pretty, but you need to imagine some horrific thoughts to help you delay orgasm, so pick from among these seven in order to turn your sprint into a marathon.

naked old lady the shining.jpg

Really Old Naked Lady. As far as horrific images go, this one ranks high up there. Picture what a bulldog would look like if it were shaved down to the skin.  Then imagine that body on an old lady. If that doesn’t help you delay your orgasm, then nothing will.

Eating Mud. You ever eat mud before? Not just dirt, but sloppy, goopy mud. If you’re sensitive about what you eat, then this horrific thought is for you. It may make you gag just to think about it, but it’s better than stopping the bedroom action out of nowhere because you’re on the edge of the orgasm. “Baby, don’t move it. Please, don’t even breathe out.” That’s not cool, and it’s not sexy.


Drowning. If you’ve ever jumped into really deep water, you know the terror of the drowning feeling. You start panicking, and nothing seems more important than getting to the surface as fast possible, and that includes having an orgasm. Hold onto the feeling of drowning, because it may be what you need to go from zero to hero in her bedroom scrapbook.

Rotting Animal Carcass. Depending on how good things are feeling, you may need to go really, really rotten with this one. Imagine maggots bursting forth from the swollen insides of a deer on the side of the highway. In the middle of a heatwave. Sure it’s gross, but this horrific thought isn’t as bad as the idea of her telling her friends how lame you were in bed.

Needle in the Scrotum. A description isn’t really necessary. Just reading that horrific thought should be enough to make most men cringe.  Sure, it’s about as awful as you could get as far as images go, but just remember that the Tingle Man only comes to visit you once during sex, and once he comes, it’s over. You have to go to any lengths necessary to hold out until she’s had her fill.

Pregnancy. OK, so maybe there is something more horrific than the image listed above. This one may do more than delay the end…it may prevent it completely.

All of these mental images are awful to various degrees. You don’t want to have to think about these things, but if you want to be the stuff of bedroom legends, then you need these horrific thoughts to help you delay your orgasm. Use them wisely, and you’ll be able to stay up all night. She’ll be forever grateful.