The sands of time can’t help a man’s fashion crimes. If lifeguards were fashion judges, some of men’s summer styles would face the death penalty. What styles in summer fashion stand out in all the wrong displays? Let’s count the ways with these six men’s summer styles you should never, ever wear.

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Socks under sandals. Being too comfortable can work against you and your fashion statement. Firstly, every beach-goer knows that socks are not meant for the beach. Secondly, who wants white ankles to go with the golden set of tan legs? To you it may look good. To others it looks ridiculous! Wearing socks at the beach will surely get you noticed and will not stop the girls from playfully enjoying themselves far away from you.

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The man thong is just wrong! You don’t have to shake your money maker all over the beach in a thong. Someone will cash in on thicker shades. Let no man try to trick you into believing you look amazing while you’re grazing the beach with both cheeks bouncing in the cool beach breeze. It is best to stick with a suit that best fits your body, not with a suit that best fits the Ken doll.

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Swim trunks with certain patterns. Save the overflowing flower patterns for the girly guys. Save the beach ball decorated trunks for the little boys. And save the vertical stripes for the prisoners. What is best? A little Hawaiian floral could work. Solid color swimsuits are not much of a summer fashion, but add a series of stripes on each side and transform them into fashionably appealing. A pair of red trunks can appeal to the athletic mind. Purchasing a pair of red or black swim trunks with a surf logo that comes with white edges and catch more than a tan. Just remember, women love men who look good, so your swim trunks will be the first impression.

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Do not wear an oversized shirt. Some people wear shirts while swimming to avoid the salty sandy waves or the blazing sun. Or they wear shirts to hide a pound or two. But there’s something you should know-the water can stretch your shirt into a skirt. Is that the men’s summer style you were going for? Doubtful. An oversized shirt and the beach just do not mix. A long sleeved shirt is a definite no-no. A way around this is to wear a shirt that is designed specifically for water. Visit a surf or beach shop and check out the options. If you are lucky (and that does happen), you’ll find a nice surf shirt on a clearance rack that not only looks great but comes at a splashing price.

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Be advised, no visors. Good men’s fashion begins with great taste in accessories. The best shading accessories worn by men at the beach are baseball caps or a simple beach fedora. And do not, repeat, do not wear the umbrella hat that has been sitting in the closet since the eighties. Leave your beach bum visor back at the shack! And never wear a sombrero.

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White sunscreen lacks that lifeguard savvy appeal. Lifeguards used to wear white Zinc Oxide for the nose. That is until Zinc Oxide came out with a clear formula. White sunscreen on the nose will not only look silly, it will also prove that you are out of touch with the last decade of clear sunscreen options. Don’t be another man’s bad taste in outdated sunscreen. And for the love of Pete, do not wear white sunscreen all over your back! Get with the times and use clear sunscreen. It goes better with your swim trunks.