Sex, sex, sex. Great, right? Sure it is. But like any physical activity, it’s not without risk. Not like, hang-gliding risk, but injuries can still happen. And when dealing with such sensitive parts, the injuries can be terrifying. Don’t scoff! Sex injuries are serious business. You need to know the risks before you get busy. Hit the sheets free from fear by getting educated about sexual injuries with this list of six sex injuries you should fear.
1. Broken Penis. Absolutely, positively, a #1 on every man’s list of scary sex injuries. Some guys don’t even believe it can happen, though. “It’s not really a bone, therefore you can’t break it.” Lies. You can. Men have. Watch a few adult movies and you’ll see a guy who’s business is cartoonishly crooked. That’s what happens. It’s called Peyronie’s, and it’s something to fear. Dear sweet lord, should you fear it.
2. Ruptured Scrotum. Sometimes, for one reason or another a lack of lubrication can occur during sex. You may be tempted to power through this on your way to the finish line, but be careful! Too much chaffing, and you’re risking rupture in your skin. Imagine a paper cut, only it’s not a cut, it’s a rip. A rip on your penis. Any time “rip” and “penis” are in a sentence, you should pay attention. Be afraid.
3. Bruised/Swollen Testicles. You like when your partner is excited, animated, passionate. And why not? Makes for good sex. But don’t let her get too reckless. After all, she’s working with sensitive material. Too much bouncing and she could potentially mangle your marbles. In fact, testicular trauma can be crippling, and swollen testicles sometimes have to be drained. Not the best place for a syringe.
4. Hernia. We men like to show off our strength in the bedroom. Lift her up, roll her over, toss her around playfully…makes us feel like big men. Get carries away though, and you’re in trouble. Awkward angles lead to bad lifts, which lead to hernias. They’re painful enough, but try telling your girl “I got a hernia from lifting you up.” Scary.
5. Torn Abdominal Muscle. You can tear a lot of muscles with physical activity, but your ab muscle are particularly vulnerable during sex. Think about all the core strength you’re using! But one sudden, badly-executed move, and you could be done. Literally done. A torn abdominal muscle is excruciating, the type of injury that makes pro football players retire. So before you do any back bridges, hands free, think about a torn ab muscle.
6. Heart Attack. Surprisingly common. Not so much an injury as a potential fatality. But combine high levels of arousal, long strenuous activity, and poor cardiovascular health, and you have a recipe for a heart attack. Stay hydrated, stay healthy, and if you feel a tingle in your jaw or left arm, stop. It’s a sign that your heart can’t handle the workload. Pro tip! Don’t call your girl a workload. You’ll have new things to fear.