You love your sports. You love your beer. Put the two together, and you can have a rock and rolling great time at any sporting event. Add a really bad sports fan outfit to the mix, and you can instead be haunted by drunken photos of you making their way around the internet forever and ever. There is a big difference between a dedicated fan and an out-and-out fool. Stick with these six ways any smart fan shouldn’t dress, and you’ll be more inclined to stay out of the latter category.
Don’t dress with dead things attached to you. A dead bear head on your head does not mean you’re a bigger Bears fan. Dead ram horns on your shoulders don’t make you a bigger Rams fan. And we’re not really sure what a dead basketball on your head could mean, but we are sure you don’t want to go there.
Don’t dress in your underwear. It doesn’t matter if it is 120 degrees Fahrenheit, and you’re crammed in a Phoenix stadium; there is no reason ever to strip down to your sports fan underwear. Not only will you make a spectacle of yourself, but who knows the kind of stuff you can catch by sitting nearly bare-bottomed on those stadium seats?
Don’t dress in drag. You might really get noticed dressing as a drag queen in support of your favorite sports team, but you might also get beat up. Leave the team-colored brassieres for the ladies. You wouldn’t want to upstage them, after all.
Don’t dress with a fake hair scare. Giant, afro clown wigs should be left to the clowns. Synthetic Mohawk wigs and tennis visors with hair attached should also be left to the clowns. It doesn’t matter if you find fake hair that matches your team colors perfectly-you will still be regarded as a clown if you wear it.
Don’t dress with a real hair scare. You can make your hair even scarier by making your funky design permanent, another big no-no for the smartest fans. This usually involves having the team name, logo or mascot shaved into the side of your head. While it might be okay for anyone under age twelve, it looks really dumb on an adult in his Monday morning business suit.
Don’t dress as the mascot. Dressing as the team mascot is not a good idea for several reasons. For starters, the costumes are typically big, hot, cumbersome and tough to cram in a stadium seat. They will probably block your own view of the game as well as the view of all those around you. Besides, you might end up with a very strange mascot, such as the unofficial one chosen by the Rhode Island School of Design: a scrotum.