During the course of any relationship, most guys will have their girlfriends or wives greet them with that most dreaded question: “Does this make me look fat?” And it seems like absolutely anything you say is the wrong answer. When you can’t read your partner’s mind like she expects you to, you might end up exiled to the couch, denied sex or will otherwise become a victim of her bitchy passive-aggression. The ideal solution is to not offer a straight “yes” or “no” answer and kind of pussyfoot around the question itself. Below are 6 ways to avoid answering, “Does this make me look fat?”

“It flatters your figure.” This works even if your girlfriend really is fat and even if her outfit is very unflattering. How’s she going to argue with this logic? Try it and be amazed.

“I think you look sexy.” This one is probably closer to the truth than our other ideas; after all, would you still be with your girlfriend or wife if you didn’t find her sexy at least some of the time? Phrasing your response this way allows you to evade a direct reaction while letting her know you still find her attractive. It also doesn’t specifically address her clothing preferences either— just her.

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“You always look beautiful/amazing/etc.” Most people do not correlate being fat with beauty, and this will let her know that no matter how she looks or what she wears, she’s still sexy. This one might not work if your woman’s just trying to start a fight, though, in which case you’re screwed every which way despite how many of these lines you toss at her.
“It’s nice, but I know what would look better.” This way, you step around the question by saying it looks nice when it might actually look like crap, and then you may want to help her find a combination of clothing that you think makes her look really good. This is also a great opportunity to take her clothes off for her and have hot, spontaneous sex on the floor.
“You would need to be fat to look fat, and you’re not fat.” While a little more long-winded and redundant, this is the shortest possible way to say this. Again, this does not attend to her attire – just her. It also supplies a better explanation than “no” without the brevity and open-endedness of “no.” Women love when you can explain yourself succinctly…a good skill to develop in the event she catches you banging your secretary and wants to know why.
“You make that dress/outfit look good.” Do exercise caution when saying this one because a woman may interpret it as you saying her clothes (and thus her taste in fashion) is bad and she’ll start griping. That’s why it’s at the bottom of the list; not as good as the last five choices, but still a way to avoid answering, “Does this make me look fat?”

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Bonus: “Yes.” If you want to be an asshole about it and never ever be asked that question again, just tell her she looks like a fat walrus in a corset. Be prepared for several possible outcomes like crying, screaming, being slapped, not getting laid for a while, and general passive-aggression that women are absolute masters of.

As a side note, you have roughly a one to two second grace period before your woman expects feedback. Laughing, coughing, or failing to make eye contact with her while you say any of these things will result in her accusing you of lying. Tread carefully, gentlemen; there is no correct answer in this situation.