The working world can be a tough place to catch a break. Luckily for you, we here at Wall Street Fighter think of ourselves as a wise and humble old sage imparting wisdom upon those who travel the long and winding path to our mountaintop palace looking for advice. Other days we think of ourselves as colorful iguanas. It all depends on our medication levels I guess. But today it’s the career advice one, so here goes.
Do you think today’s hottest professional athletes would be where they are today without some inspiring coach pushing them to success in their past? Yeah, you’re right, the steroid scandals and big money contracts might be taking away from good coaching, but anyway…
Getting a coach or ‘mentor’ might sound kind of lame, corny, and expensive, but it’s a good way to get input on important career choices. Maybe a higher-up at your firm will take you under his wing, or a fun old guy in your local basketball league will offer some pearls of wisdom over a few beers. “Haha, good joke, but keep your hand off my thigh, buddy.”
Wherever you get the good stuff, keep in mind that sometimes the best career advice comes from informal acquaintances and connections.
Obviously one of the soundest decisions you can make. A good rule for spending wisely is to spend big money on things that appreciate in value. Homes (with the exception of the occasional crisis and foreclosure) and Education are two of the best examples.
So go back and get your Bachelors, Masters, or Doctorate degrees at your alma mater. Extra Bonus – College girls have gotten sooo much hotter since you left.
It’s not all about fancy degrees and university classrooms. The non-academic real world can get you a bigger paycheck as well. As much as your stuck-up Ivy League friends like to rag on ITT Tech and DeVry, a technical certification can be a simple and less time consuming way to add a few more zeros to your take home pay.
And if anyone still gives you a hard time, just pretend you’re going to a sword fighting school or something. No one can argue with that. Better yet, after you get that technical certification, enroll in a sword fighting class. Hell yeah!
You’ve gotta man the fort on your online presence. Although making a video resume might have disastrous results in today’s job market, a website showcasing your portfolio, selected work, resume and contact info should do the trick.
Facebook and LinkedIn are also a must for networking. But don’t be a complete idiot about it like one CollegeHumor.com reader’s Dad – “My dad gives his friends on Facebook his user name and password so they can log onto his account and look at his pictures. He also double clicks on links.” Terrible.
You might also want to browse a Google search of yourself every once and a while to make sure those embarrassing pictures of you with the restaurant busboy from you Cancun Spring Break don’t resurface. Muy caliente, Senor.
Taking a class in accent reduction or American cultural education can help you bond and communicate with coworkers more effectively. It sounds pretty unfair but studies have shown that the more assimilated employees are, the more likely they are to be promoted.
You can’t always rely on America’s best television programming to teach you the ways of the average Joe. Most women are not as forward as the Sex and the City girls and most guys are not as retardedly un-funny as Carlos Mencia.
And for anyone that considers themself a blue-blooded American, you can get ahead in the workplace by learning another language or educating yourself on the cultures of your colleagues. Ignorance isn’t always bliss, it probably just makes you an ass.
These are the time and money consuming commitments you might dread. However, they will offer you the opportunity to work with other professionals in your field outside of your company. Those contacts will come in handy in the long run.
You could sit on a committee or a board to get leadership and experience in your field. It might be the most profitable non-phallic thing you’ve ever sat on! Hiii-ohhh!
So, in conclusion I hope these tips will help you along your path to big monies and a job you enjoy. Thanks visiting us at our mountaintop palace, come again and be sure to leave some love in the mountaintop comments section.