Does your sex life feel like the mid 1980s? You know, eight-bit? If you can’t get your princess to be more than a flat, two dimensional, pixelated character in the bedroom, then maybe your pipe isn’t enough. Are you starting to feel like it’s time for an upgrade? For all you former Supers and Sonics out there, it’s time to get your sex life back up to speed. If you want to experience some great sex, some HDTV next gen freakiness, look no further; use these six ways to level up your sex life.
Get your RPG on. What’s the main thing you do when playing an RPG? Explore, that’s what. If you want to kick your sex game in to high gear, the first step is to spend more time exploring her body. Really exploring. That kissing her down below just to get her wet crap is for the eight-bit ducks. Really take the time to know her body. Find out alternate ways to warp her to ecstasy that don’t involve your magic wand. The more creative you are, the better. Oh, and remember those cheat codes for later. You’ll be able to incorporate them during actual gameplay.
Game guides. There are thousands of books out there that’ll up your sex I.Q. Grab one that seems interesting. Start on page one and work your way to the back of the book…with her, of course. It’s all about continuing to find new things that she likes. Once you’ve amassed a wealth of ways to get her to the next level, you can mix and match. She’ll never know what hit her. Remember, never stop looking for different combinations that’ll put her on pause.
Power ups. Sex toys, gentlemen. They are not your mortal enemies. They can be very powerful allies in the fight to get her off. Why overlook her vibrator, when you could use it to simultaneously stimulate her while you use your other weapons to please her? Dedicate yourself to helping her reach levels of pleasure she hasn’t reached previously. You’ll be greatly rewarded.
Online gaming. In the video game world, online gaming allows you to compete with people all over the planet. In the sex game, think of you and your woman as being two adventures on a magical quest. What is that quest, you ask? This quest is to find any and every new nook and cranny to get down in. The bed is for old folks. Take her in the car, a secluded place at the mall or the back of a dark movie theater. Be inventive. Be brave. Be exciting.
Wireless controls. Show her that you’re willing to go as far as she wants to go, then push her further. It can’t be stressed enough that having an open mind in the bedroom, or wherever you decide to get down, is the best way to level up your sex life. Don’t allow anything to become routine. Show up at her office in the middle of the day and give her the lunch she deserves. Stop your elevator just because you like her neckline in that dress. It doesn’t matter the reason. It just matters that you do it. The best sex is always the sex that isn’t tied down by parameters…as long as you’re both comfortable, of course.
Pre-order. Sex doesn’t have to start when you physically see her. A well placed freaky text or unexpected phone call can get her mind racing long before you guys have your respective ways with each other. Don’t underestimate the value of words and how they fall in to foreplay.