Hats are frequently a nice fashion complement to outfits for both genders, but there are hats men should never wear under any circumstances. Guys, if you’re going to wear a hat, choose something normal or even a little dashing—a fedora looks very slick with a couple different ensembles. A cap worn forward or backwards is always fun and bandanas lend a casual and playful look without looking too trashy. But enough about that; you need to know what kind of headwear will look absolutely ridiculous or even horrifying upon your crown.
Visors. These hats look stupid on everyone. Why the hell would you want to wear half a hat? If it was cut down the center and only covered one side of your head, would you wear it? Take the opposite of Nike’s advice and just don’t do it.
Cowboy hat. Yeah, these things will just make you look like a derpy bumpkin. The only man who can get away with wearing silly hats is The Doctor and that’s only because he’s an alien who doesn’t know any better. Unless you’re a cowboy or a country singer, avoid these atrocities like you’d avoid single mothers on a dating site.
Fishing/bucket hats. Unless you want to look like Coach Klein from The Waterboy (or you’re actually a fisherman), stay away from these. You’ll come off as someone who just crawled out of a slimy bayou, especially if you’ve blinged out the hat with hooks and lures. Perhaps these hats get their name because when people see you wearing them, they want to smash you in the face with a bucket. Or they want to reach for a bucket so they can throw up.
Ponytail hats. Ever seen those costume hats with the grey ponytail glued to the back? Yeah, do not ever wear one of those outside of a costume party or we will find you and pour glass shavings down your throat.
Energy dome (Devo hats). If you’re a raging fan of the eccentric ‘80s band and their absurd red wedding-cake hats, then you can most likely hold your head high and ignoring the stares and giggles while wearing one of these outside. Otherwise, they have zero positive fashion value and you’ll look nuts wearing it.
Animal hats. Those cutesy knitted hats with cat ears or bunny ears, or the plush chicken hats where the legs dangle on either side of your head—you know what we mean. Don’t even think about it. Little kids and young women can get away with making these work, but not grown men. If you do not want people questioning your masculinity or sexual preferences, don’t wear this in public. These are hats men should never wear and never have any reason to wear. Ever.
Beer helmet. Dude, seriously. You’ve got two hands—hold your beer like a normal person. You’ll look like a trashy, lazy slob (a.k.a. stereotypical American male) if you can’t muster the strength to lift your beer to your mouth. Why not just get a beer IV while you’re at it so you don’t have to expend your energy sucking on the beer hose either?
Bonus: Safari hat. You are not Indiana Jones and you never will be, so don’t wear his hat. Much like The Doctor and cowboys hats, only Indy can get away with making this look good. For everyone else, it’s one of many hats men should never wear.