Jack Daniels, Jim Beam and the soothing stream of Southern Comfort are not particularly welcome in the 7 places you should never do shots. Even if you don’t pull out a shot glass and make your drinking obvious, a nip on a flask is as detrimental as a shot from a glass in certain situations. Doing shots in these forbidden places puts you at risk of being ostracized, acting like a drunken fool, or ending up in the emergency room.
Church services. Although wine is indeed mentioned in the Bible and even offered during communion, church services are definitely one of the places you should never do shots. Sure, your hymns may suddenly seem harmonic and your prayers more poignant, but the priest and surrounding congregation members are probably not going to agree. Dangers include passing out in the pew, kneeling for prayer and not being able to get back up and vomiting into the donation basket. The all-time worst church service at which to do shots is your own wedding while you’re standing at the altar.
Gym. Free weights and alcohol don’t mix. Neither does doing shots on the treadmill, stair climber or going round the circuit on the weight machines. Not only will you hold everybody else up while you are busy trying to figure out how to work the machines while drunk, but your sweat will probably intoxicate those around you.
Sports practice. Similar to the gym, sports practice and shots make a recipe for disaster. Doing shots during any type of athletic activity that involves running, jumping or accurately trying to maneuver a ball is fair game for a sickly stomach and even injury. Add cleats to the mix and you might as well book your ambulance now.
On the job. Any job-related activity is a poor place to do shots, with a job interview and your first day at work topping the list. Perhaps you could get away with shots on the last day if you don’t really care about burning bridges, but bosses tend to look down on employees that get sauced on the job. Things get filed incorrectly, phone calls go unremembered and you find yourself suddenly hitting on anyone that walks by your desk. Your boss may look down on this practice so low that you might find yourself in the unemployment line.
On the unemployment line. Since you are supposed to be actively seeking employment while collecting the government’s money, doing shots while waiting to pick up your unemployment check sends the subtle message that you’re not living up to your part of the deal. In the worst case scenario you’ll end up in a line with a do-gooder cashier who not only reports you to authorities for not following the guidelines but may even withhold your check “for your own good” since you are drinking away your income.
During a final exam. Doing shots can loosen you up, but your brain might become so loose that it leaks out any pertinent information. Besides, it’s tough to write essays, explain theories or even fill in the little multiple choice circles with much accuracy if you are rip roaring drunk. Unless you final is on the experimental effects of alcohol in a classroom setting during an exam, you’re best off doing shots after the test. That way you can celebrate a job well-done or cover your misery if you fail.
First date. Even if you’re dating a wild one, doing shots on the first date makes an incredibly bad and boozy impression. Drinking heavily sends out the message that the date is so boring you need a boost or that doing shots are the only way you can hold a conversation—although with enough shots that won’t even be possible. You also run the risk of calling her by the wrong name, spilling red wine on her white silk blouse or passing out face-first in a plate of spaghetti.