Never Fight a Bouncer

Yes, it’s true. Bouncers can be real jerks. A bouncer’s false sense of authority can be rather baffling. They’re nothing more than buff doormen, but they act like they hold the keys to the pearly gates. They have the ability to make the common bar patron look like a fool. Some bouncer’s use their frail authority to do just that, to make you, the common guy, look like a fool. And they just love to do it to you when a group of hot chicks are around. Yes, it’s quite understood why you’d want to knock one of those ‘roid-heads out, but think twice.

He’s bigger than you. Bouncers are hired because they’re big. Most likely, they’ll be bigger than you. It’s very rare that you’ll see a bouncer lose a fight. Unless you know Kung Fu, leave him be.

Ex athletes and or fighters. How do you think that bouncer got so damn big. Chances are, he was a wrestler in college, or a linebacker. He could even be an off-duty cop. These types of guys are trained to handle other fighters. You, on the other hand, are just a regular Joe Schmoe with too much liquid courage in his system.

He’s got friends. Bouncers travel in packs. Well, at least at the club they work for, they do. If you fight a bouncer, chances are he won’t be the one knocking you out. It’ll be his buddy rushing through the crowd, who you won’t notice, that’ll give you the T.K.O.

He can legally kick your ass. A bouncer is allowed to use certain means at his disposal to handle a violent patron. This means the tougher you think you are, the more force he can use to subdue you. And guess what? You go to jail, not the bouncer. Think about it, have you ever seen a guy fight a bouncer and walk away clean. Nope. He usually looks like uncooked hamburger.

Never Fight a Bouncer

Bouncers don’t drink. But, you do. Bouncers aren’t really allowed to get hammered on the job. It’ll negatively effect how they do the job. You, however, went to the bar to, amongst other things, drink. So, you’re already at physical disadvantage because of the bouncer’s size right? Add that to the fact that you may be seeing double, this is a situation you just can’t win. The best option for you is to calm down and go back to the bar.

You’ll be banned. Don’t think you can tussle with the bouncer one week, and show up at the club the following week like he won’t remember you. Remember, bouncers can be jerks anyway, but you’ve given him all he needs to make sure you’ll never walk into your favorite bar again. You’ve also given him a reason to thump you when he sees you. Don’t give him those reasons. Just don’t fight the bouncer.

The ladies. When you left your house, you were thinking of all the ladies you’d meet at the bar. You weren’t contemplating getting your face smashed in my some bouncer’s beefy hot dog fists. Don’t let that jerk of a bouncer take you away from the goal at hand, the ladies. Fighting him will do just that. You’ll get totaled. You night will be wasted. And worst of all, none of the ladies there are going to pay any attention to you after you get ripped to shreds… except maybe to laugh.