posted
03/1/12
“How did I get involved with this crazy chick?” Do you often find yourself asking that question? If so, you may need a little help identifying the psycho ladies—who as Barney Stinson knows are often hot—before it’s too late. Fortunately we are in your corner, gents. Soon, you’ll be screening out the nut jobs so fast you’ll actually have time for women who don’t keep you up at night worrying about your house getting burned to the ground, Left Eye Lopes style. Most women aren’t crazy, and it’s always the bad apples that taint the bunch. Armed with these warning signs, you’ll be poised to bite into only what’s good for you.
1. She Wants Too Much Contact
Look, we get that when you’re first dating it’s fun to stay in close contact. You want to send lots of texts, hear each other’s voice a lot and generally be disgusting to everyone around you. Still, she needs to respect that you have things to do other than talk to her. Whether you’re at work, running errands or just out with the boys for a night of debauch, you need your “you” time even when things are just starting to get hot and heavy. Watch out for women who call, text or email you ten times an hour while you’re at work. If you’re getting tons of messages asking why you aren’t responding, you need to question whether you are falling for a nut job.
Attention whores are insecure and dangerous. She is not your real-life manic pixie dream girl. She has borderline personality disorder and needs medication.
2. She Can’t Handle Her Booze
Does she get totally obliterated every time she has a drink? Does she then start crying hysterically, yelling and/or sharing too much personal information? Even if this is coupled with sexy behavior—like getting really flirty and whispering dirty things in your ear—none of it bodes well for the long term. Apply this to any other substance while you’re at it. Including Cherry Nyquil.
3. She Lies. A lot.
Lying is a big one, and for reasons that may not immediately come to mind. If she lies about things that actually matter that’s bad. If she lies about inconsequential things, that’s potentially even worse. You have to ask yourself: why would she say she went to the grocery store when she was really at her mother’s house? What type of person does that? Generally speaking, the type of person who lies about everything and anything without thinking a lot about it. And that’s not exactly a quality one seeks in a reliable partner.
Sure, she seems normal now. But we’ll never get past that whole head-shaving thing.
