Sweet intimacy can quickly turn to sour grapes if you are guilty of uttering one of seven things to never say during pillow talk. Pillow talk can, and should, be magical–a time to disclose your hopes and dreams or simply a time to relish in how wonderfully lucky you feel to have found such a cool partner. But that magic can disappear quicker than you can say “abracadabra” if you’re uncouth enough to bring up one of these things you should never say. Worse yet, they may even merit you a slap across the face.
“What’s that smell?” Never ask about strange smells during pillow talk. Never ever say something smells like fish. Guys are not necessarily very sweet-smelling after the fact, either, and any weird odor could be coming from either of you.
“Were you a virgin or something?” Putting down her sexual performance, even in one of those backhanded, faux-subtle ways, is taboo during pillow talk. The woman can discern what you mean by such comments, and telling her she’s horrible in bed kind of ruins the pillow talk moment. In fact, it might sabotage your entire relationship. There are polite ways to go about improving her performance, but a putdown post-sex is not one of them.
“Only six other women made me feel as good as you just did.” Comparing your partner to other women is always gauche, but it goes beyond gauche when that comparison doesn’t even put her as the best. Never bring up ex-girlfriends, ex-lovers, past sexcapades or that thrilling threesome you had on the beach during pillow talk, unless the girl you’re with happened to be part of that threesome.
“Now I know why your name is on the bathroom stall.” Just as you should never bring up your past sex experiences during pillow talk, don’t bring up hers. Even if she has a sordid, sleazy reputation, reminding her of it right after you’ve helped contribute to it is not a very nice thing to do. It also blows your chances for a second romp.
“My dad kills people for a living.” Disclosing deep, dark family secrets is usually not a good move during pillow talk. Especially if they involve murder, mayhem or illegal activities. The woman wants to bask in the delight you just shared, not bask in the horrific realization that she just slept with the son of the Son of Sam.
“By the way, I have herpes.” After-the-fact is definitely not the time to tell the girl about your venereal diseases, especially if you two did not engage in any safe sex practices. Such disclosures should be made WAY before pillow talk—or even way before you reach the bedroom. Even if you practice safe sex, you are better off letting your partner know what she’s in for, warts and all.
“I can’t wait to tell the guys.” There is no way to ruin an intimate pillow talk moment than proclaiming you’re going to run out and share all about your intimacy. Even if you are a total boob and do engage in caddish sex talk with the boys, never admit to doing it during pillow talk. In fact, just don’t do it at all.